Chapter Text
Atsushi should have known. He should have known he’d been giving the wrong timeframe when he awoke to Ryuunosuke whacking him in the face with a pillow.
“What the fuck, Ryuu~? It’s so early…” He whined, trying to roll over before being snatched up and hoisted onto the floor — carpeted and not freezing cold, thank the lord.
“You’re thirty minutes late for tutoring! Get your ass downstairs, Jinko, before I drag you down there myself!!” And, well, the thought of Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, the Port Mafia’s infamous ‘Hound Dog,’ dragging Atsushi down two flights of stairs was not exactly appeasing at the ripe hour of six-thirty in the morning. So Atsushi heaved himself off the floor with a sigh and dressed quickly, especially quickly considering Ryuunosuke was still watching and it kind of freaked him out.
“What’re you staring at, Ryuu? Eh?” Was all it took for the boy’s ‘partner-in-crime’ to turn a bright red and twist his head in a different direction.
“Just hurry up!” He snapped, and honestly Atsushi didn’t know whether to be amused by this or concerned for their friendship — or whatever it was. The two rushed down the stairs after another moment and, upon reaching the base floor (a.k.a Café Uzumaki), were greeted with absolute, utter…silence. The café was completely empty except for three kids in the booth at the very back, two of whom Atsushi recognised as the Demon Prodigy and his bloodhound, the Sheep King. The latter, Atsushi heard, wasn’t a particular fan of the title, but had recently come to accept it, and considering he didn’t actually know the guy’s name, he decided on simply referring to him as just that.
What Atsushi was really stumped on, though, was how quiet the two were. Soukoku had a reputation for their squabbling, in fact it might’ve been the main aspect of their public personas. So why on earth were they being such diligent workers? WAIT AND WHY IS DEMON PRODIGY-SAN SLEEPING ON SHEEP KING-SAN WHAT THE FUCK–
Apparently, Akutagawa had joined the trio in the booth while Atsushi was frozen, having a silent mental breakdown.
“The fuck you starin’ at, tiger guy? C’mon, we gotta graduate from eight years of school in two days or some shit so get your ass over here and start studying.” Sheep King-san practically growled, and Atsushi jumped slightly in surprise. No wonder Demon Prodigy-san calls him his dog. He actually kinda sounds like one sometimes!! Atsushi knew better than to voice his thoughts, though, so he simply nodded rapidly to the redhead and took a seat across from the infamous duo, next to Akutagawa and a blonde girl about Akutagawa’s age whom he’d never seen before.
“Hello Nakajima, my name is Higuchi Ichiyo. I work as Akutagawa's assistant as well as a clerk for the Black Lizard squad unit of the Port Mafia. I have been assigned by the boss himself to tutor you and Soukoku on basic academic subjects so as to not appear suspicious during your mission. I assume you two have been debriefed on the target goal?” The girl, Higuchi, finished her sentence with a pointed look at Atsushi and Akutagawa, and the former had to just…stare at her, for a minute, trying to understand what she had said. Oh Jesus, it is way too early for this. Atsushi sent Akutagawa a glare, as if this fiasco was his fault, before taking a deep breath and responding to the girl.
“Hi Higuchi, n-nice to meet you! I uh, you can just call me Atsushi, and…no. I don’t think there was a debrief of ‘the mission?’ What sort of mission is it, exactly, that requires us to be tutored..?” Higuchi blinks, very slowly, and turns to look blankly at the two mafiosos across the table. The short redhead, whom the Demon Prodigy is sleeping on, pokes the latter’s cheek lightly. After effectively waking him, though, the boy starts screaming.
“DAZAI, WHAT. THE FUCK! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE KIDS ABOUT THE FUCKING MISSION YOU DUMBASS MACKEREL. I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU LITERALLY CAN’T DO ANYTHING, USELESS SMELLY FISH!!” The brunette only giggled, grinning in such a manner that could only promise chaos.
“But Chibiko~...I thought I assigned that job to you!” The boy said innocently, batting his ridiculously long eyelashes over his even more ridiculously large eye. The redhead — ‘Chibiko’ can’t be his actual name, surely — paused, just staring at the other boy for a full minute in utter silence, face slowly becoming more and more red as a fresh wave of anger(?) washed over him.
“Shut up, shitty Mackerel. You’re the one who actually knows these guys!” The boy ended up grumbling instead of exploding as he did just a moment before. His partner simply let out a small, victorious chuckle before turning to the ever-so-patiently waiting Higuchi and shrugging.
“Guess we forgot about that part. Sorry Higuchi-kun!” Higuchi only sighed and shook her head in response, as if refusing the apology.
“No worries, Dazai-san, Nakahara-san. I’ll just spend a few moments explaining the situation to Naka – erm, Atsushi-san and Akutagawa-san if that’s alright. Feel free to order food or drink and…do whatever you’d like while waiting for the lessons to begin. We’ll be starting with language today, specifically writing essays, to prepare you all for the written segment of the entrance exam, which requires a short essay. Nakahara-san, if you’d like to discuss this with Dazai-san beforehand—”
“I KNOW HOW TO READ AND WRITE, GODDAMMIT!! ANE-SAN TAUGHT ME SOME THINGS OTHER THAN HOW TO SHRED PEOPLE WITH TASTE!” The Demon Prodigy — ‘Dazai-san,’ as he was referred to, just giggled and grabbed his partner’s hand, dragging the other boy off to some part of the café for who-knows what purpose. Atsushi turned to Akutagawa, the two sharing utterly baffled looks before Akutagawa slaps his partner.
“Hey!! The hell was that for?” Atsushi scowls at the Victorian — *cough* — emo — *cough* — boy, the look reciprocated tenfold.
“You looked stupid.”
“Hah??” Higuchi cleared her throat in that moment, looking hesitantly between the two boys and muttering something under her breath which apparently Akutagawa caught, his pale complexure morphing into an awfully pink one as he looked at her, aghast, before the girl spoke up and the moment was over.
“Well, on the subject of the mission…”
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“Do you think they’ll notice?” Chuuya asked as he rinsed his face in the small, cramped restroom of the café, trying to rid his face of the flush.
“Eh, probably not. Atsushi-kun, from what Akutagawa’s told me, is too innocent for that kind of conclusion, while Akutagawa himself would rather cut off his own hands than think about his superiors being unholy, while Higuchi-kun…well. Even if she did have suspicions, she knows better than to voice them. So I'm pretty sure we’re safe from the wrath of your self-proclaimed older sister!” Dazai finished on a cheery note, causing Chuuya to snort.
“We’re never safe from Ane-san. She has eyes everywhere.”
“Yeah, Chibi, I see one poking out of your ass right now!” This brought both boys into a fit of laughter, practically falling over each other from how cramped the room was. “Now let me use the sink, you bite too hard and it hurts~” The redhead took one last forlorn look in the old, rusty mirror before stepping back with a sigh to make room for his partner. At this rate, I’ll need to borrow some of that Mackerel’s damn neck bandages. The bastard. Luckily, his Mackerel was smart, and all bruising was easily hidden behind vibrant orange hair.
“So, you woken up yet?” The ginger raised an eyebrow, smirking, and Dazai rolled his eyes with a huff in response. Chuuya knew that Dazai had not, in fact, slept a wink. That he had simply been trying to avoid starting the lesson and therefore played ‘dead’ on Chuuya’s shoulder, but as long as it was an excuse to do that every morning? He’d lie all day long. Not that he was in love or anything, god no, but a mouth is a mouth and as long as it’s a good mouth, the redhead was happy.
“Yes~, Chibi is very good at waking me up! Happy with your accomplishment?”
“Fuck yes. Now are you done? We’ve been gone for like, ten minutes. It’s gonna look strange.” Dazai turned off the sink and wiped his face, re-applying the bandages over his eye and neck before unlocking the door and swinging it wide open, into the morning light, successfully blinding them both, as they had kept the lights off (they always do) during their brief excursion.
“Stupid Chuuya, we’ve been gone for seven minutes. C’mon!” Recovering quickly from the light change, Dazai waltzed back over to the table with Chuuya in tow. Whatever had gone down while the pair were gone seemed important, because Higuchi never seemed that surprised in any environment that wasn’t a battlefield, and Akutagawa? Looking more shocked, with his jaw practically on the floor, than even the blonde? Looking shocked at his arch nemesis, Nakajima? Oh, hell no.
“The fuck happened here? Did Nakajima pull a bouquet out of his ass and flutter his eyelashes at Akutagawa-kun? Because I don’t think the Mackerel trained you guys to trip over air for anything short of an amazing damn reason.” The redhead plopped down on the seat, taking the window side and scooching over to make room for his partner. Dazai hated windows; too much transparency, too many openings for attacks. To his partner’s defense, that sort of paranoia was completely justified and necessary when living a life of crime — especially as an executive in one of the biggest crime syndicates in the world — but that meant that Chuuya was always stuck with the window seats. Dazai’s blind side was exposed without his partner to cover him, which annoyed said partner to no end, but it was better than having a jittery and on-edge bandaged rascal shivering in his boots and trying to hide the fuss he was making for the whole duration of the lesson. Dazai slid into the booth beside Chuuya, bumping him slightly before shifting a little further away to a publicly acceptable distance.
“P-pardon?!” The weretiger boy’s eyes widened, shocked at the statement.
“Not to worry, Nakahara-san. Akutagawa-san was simply surprised, if I may speak on his behalf, at Nakajima-san’s academic knowledge.
“I was NOT impressed with Jinko’s skills!!” Protested Akutagawa, who was quickly shut up by a look from the Mackerel. The guy can be scary without even being scary…how the fuck does that make any sense?
“Oh?” The aforementioned Mackerel raised an eyebrow at Nakajima, who blushed furiously in response from the sudden attention. “You were tutored in your orphanage, yes?”
“W-well, yes. They had mandatory schooling built in, it’s like that for all the orphanages in Japan I believe…but most of it I just picked up from reading the books on the shelves of the library!” The white-haired boy squeaked out. Dazai simply chuckled in response, nodding as if in approval or satisfaction — successfully putting a look somewhere between shame, frustration, anger, and jealousy on the face of his other mentee. Man, this is gonna be a long fucking day…