Chapter Text
Katza arrived just in the nick of time that evening, hauling dozens of children in the beast of a bus her family drove. They’d named it Bertha, which I found amusing as it was my grandmother’s name. The one my mom never spoke of or to from around the time I was born till my grandmother’s death when I was seventeen. I found it amusing on a number of levels.
Bertha was coated in a fine sheen of blood and gore. The bus had driven over enough zombies in its quest to get Katza, her family, and the kids she’d rounded up to us in Kansas City from Katza’s home in Georgia.
I was barely out of the meeting with the others when the bus rolled up. The plan was already that Katza would be heading north with all the rest, another set of adults around to watch the children.
“Well, we got here,” she said, her Southern accent thicker than mine. Or at least hers was more prominent, because mine only came out at certain times. “Ya’ll ready to head out soon?”
“We’ll all be heading out for our destinations in the next day or two,” I told her. “But you should stay and rest for a bit.”
“We plan on it,” she replied. She looked exhausted, tired from days of driving and likely taking care of the kids she’d found. They were a somber group, those kids. All orphans, all surviving for weeks on their own.
I didn’t want to think about the orphans who didn’t make it.
I didn’t want to think about anyone who hadn’t made it, because then I’d drive myself crazy.
Katza pulled me into a hug, probably from the look on my face. “People are helping people all over, Rah. Not just us.”
“Yeah. Not just us,” I repeated. It released only some of the pressure in my chest.
“We should get some sleep. Where can I go…?”
“There’s some beds in Chan’s house that are free because some of them are already heading north,” I explained. “I’ll take you to them.”
Once Katza and her family were safely bedded down for the night, I thought that would be it for me. Instead, Minho appeared as if from nowhere.
“Can we talk?” He asked. It was quiet, a return to his English from before the military. High and breathy, almost cute. “Before we all separate, and I may not get to?”
“Yes, of course, Minho. We can talk. What about?” I asked, my anxiety spiking. The way he phrased it made me think he was upset with me, for some reason.
As if reading my mind, he said: “I’m not angry with you. Far from it.”
The tension in my shoulders bled out. “How did you know?”
He smirked. “Your anxiety tells aren’t that much different from Jisung’s. Besides that, I’ve gotten to know you from these close quarters, and more from your friends.”
“Bella told you?”
“Among others. Rayne too.”
I realized only after we’d walked quite a while that he was leading me well away from the Nest and the others. “Where are we going?”
“The only place you can have a truly private conversation around here. Upstairs.”
“I’m beginning to wonder what on earth this conversation is about,” I muttered, half under my breath.
He pulled open the heavy doors that led out of the safe room. Into the halls that led out from under the stage, out into the venue where only a few weeks ago we should have attended a concert. A concert where I should have met them only fleetingly, another Stay in the routine of their lives.
How the times have changed.
My dad happened to be one of the ones out watching the world outside. Watching for people coming in and watching for Walkers at this time of night. A gun on his hip the same as he’d had his whole life. Dad had grown up in Flint, where guns were just as prevalent as they were here in Kansas. I still remember the day he came to my first husband’s place, that gun on his hip, protecting me from what could have been.
“Just heading upstairs,” Minho murmured, though he was stiff.
“Be careful,” my dad warned us. “You don’t have a weapon on you if things escalate.”
“We will,” I replied easily.
Minho took my hand and led the way off into another backstage area, this one leading to a green room with a grouping of three scruffy black leather couches. The sign on the door read Stray Kids.
“Was this the room you’d been put in for the concert?” I asked.
“It was.” He nodded. “Just a place to sit and relax. Not that we ever do much of that.”
“Not that you ever did.” I grinned at him mischievously. “Hardly.”
He returned the grin, but it fell after a moment. It was silent for a beat. I’m not one to rush to fill silences even if they’re uncomfortable, and this was no different.
"I didn't think the blending of the polycules would work," he started, slowly. "I didn't think there was a group of people who could accept the eight of us as we were and are and..." He trailed off.
"Is this about Jisung?" I asked nervously.
"No." He shook his head, smiling wryly. "It's about something else I realized in falling in love all over again."
"With Bella?"
"With you."
I blinked, stunned into silence.
"It happened without my permission, I assure you," he said with a fond little grin. I recognized that look on his face, but never in a million years had I expected to be on the receiving end of it. "I think it started when you finally crashed out in the van, on the way to pick up your daughter."
"When I started crying?" I asked, now skeptical.
He nodded. "You have no idea how human you were in that moment, Rah. How... untouchable you seemed, before that. You'd saved all our skins."
"You've been with Bella and Rayne this whole time."
"It took Bella telling you I had feelings for you before I was ready to get the courage to talk to you. You realize how difficult you are to approach?"
"Probably about the same as it would be to approach you, if things were in the reverse."
He tilted his head to one side, a curious glance beneath those thick eyelashes. "Are you trying to let me down?"
"No," I replied, too quickly. My hand was on his arm in a heartbeat. "No, not at all. I just wasn't expecting..."
"Feelings before we truly got to know one another?" He supplied, something in his tone making me anxious. I couldn't read it.
"Well, yes," I muttered.
"If it makes you feel any better, I fell for Jisung in less than a few weeks' time. I didn't know what it was back then, of course. Scared the hell out of me and him both till we worked it out. And I didn't have with him what I did with you: a strong... strong... care? That's not it. A strong something between Jisung and I that connects you and I too."
"Metamour." I say the word as a breath. "You're saying because you have Jisung and I, that I'm a... a package deal with him. Is that it?"
"Yes." He nodded, his smile almost shy. "That's what I mean."
"Does that mean Bella is finally going to talk to Jisung? Or is he going to talk to her?"
"I've told him if he wants her, he needs to do the pursuit," Minho explained. His hands fell to either side of my hips just above the braces and tugged me forward. "I'm a jealous man, you know."
"I'm not," I told him, absolutely serious. "We'll help you feel better about all this too. I know it's new. Even if I happen to know you've had Chan and Seungmin in your pocket."
He grinned. "That's the little wordsmith Jisung knows so much better than I do. You'll have to forgive me for not reading much English."
"I'm just glad you learned the language. Korean is still hard for me."
"You are Felix's 나비, Jisung's sweetheart, Seungmin's 자기야, Chan’s duckling. All before we even met."
"나비?"
"Butterfly. Apparently you described his voice like that, once, and it stuck in his mind." His hands tightened over my hips. "I don't know how I feel about all this. It's a big... something."
"Jumble? Pile?" I supplied honestly. "I'm not far behind you, there."
He sighed. "All I know for sure is that I'm going with Bella once we separate in DC. And then I don't know when I'll see you again."
"I don't know how long Bella plans to stay in Europe." I glanced down at his hands on my hips, where they hadn't strayed from. "When all this is over, I don't know what our living situation is going to look like."
"No one does. This is all new. I'd rather this blended polycule all live under one roof, but that's not possible with the existing houses in North Pole."
"Likely not." I agreed. "Why are you already thinking so much about how we'll live when this is all over?"
"Because if I don't, I'll go insane thinking about what happens if one of you don't make it back there."
I was silent a moment. "I worry too. But I'm not leaving anyone behind if I can help it."
"You wouldn't be the person I fell for if you didn't. Still. I worry about you the most. You're too stubborn."
I rolled my eyes. "You've been talking to Bella too much."
"Oh?"
"Yes. You haven't seen the level of stubborn I can get. It's put me in enough situations that I'm well aware of just how low that bar is." I gave him a self-deprecating grin.
He looked almost dazed. "It gets worse than driving off into zombie infested lands by yourself?"
"I was literally kidnapped and almost trafficked as a teenager, so... yeah."
"Somehow I'm unsurprised and impressed at the same time."
"You shouldn't be." I smiled up at him again, to show I was joking. "Now... you didn't want me all to yourself like this just to confess. In fact, I'd think you'd like it if a certain someone heard. So...Why are we here, Minho?"
His lips spread into a broad grin, one that crinkled his eyes to crescents. "You're smarter than you think you are." He pulled on his hold on my hips, aligning us closer together. His eyes regarded me fondly. "I was hoping for something. But only if you're willing."
"Something," I replied warily. "Something like what?"
His head leaned in closer to mine, till his nose was nearly brushing against mine. "What else needs us alone, away from everything and everyone else."
"We had beds in the safe room," I spluttered. "And I know you've been with Bella and Rayne both downstairs. Why hide me away?"
"I may not have asked Sungie's permission just yet," Minho admitted. "He'll say I don't need it but I know him. He'll get jealous."
"Where is Jisung?" I asked, partially stalling this time.
"He has my permission with Bella tonight," Minho teased. "He's with her, most likely."
He leaned in, his face so close to mine my heart was skipping in my chest. I nervously asked: "Why would you need to give him permission?"
"It's a game we play with the others," Minho admitted, his voice a soft husk of itself. "When I'm with Chan usually."
"O-Oh," I managed to stammer out.
He leaned even closer. "Can I? I need your permission more than his, you know."
I blinked rapidly, still trying to process everything. "For...?"
"Can I kiss you?" He asked, mirth coloring his tone.
"Oh. Yeah. I guess."
"You guess?" His eyes crinkled at the corners again.
"Yes, you can kiss me, if that's what you want."
He smiled and leaned in closer again. "It's all I've been thinking about for days now." And he closed the remaining distance to kiss me soft and gentle, like he was afraid he'd spook me if he did anything more.
Minho kissed like he was afraid I'd snap. He kissed like he was scared of what this meant, but still he kissed me. He deepened the kiss after a fraction of a moment, going from gentle to devouring in heartbeats. I tried to keep up but couldn't. His powerful hands cupped my cheeks to help steady me. I was helpless under his seeking lips, tossed in an ocean of feelings that didn't quite match up.
When he broke us apart for air, I spoke up. "For days?"
"Weeks," he admitted softly. "But I didn't think you felt the same."
I fell silent a moment. "You scare me at times. Not because of anything in particular. Just... how much I cared for you before we met."
"And now that we have?"
"It's only gotten worse. How much I care... and how much you scare me."
He kissed me again, soft and sweet. "It scares me too, how much I've come to care about you in so short a time."
"It's probably the situation." I chewed on my lower lip, considering him with glittering green eyes. "Our lives are in danger."
He shook his head. "I think I fell for the idea of you when Jisung wouldn't stop talking about you. Finding out you were more than what he thought you were..."
"More than he thought I was?" I echoed.
Minho's hand curled around my cheek. "You're more like Chan-ah than I thought. Now. Come here, pretty." He leaned down to kiss me again.
"Pretty?" I blinked rapidly.
"Yes," he murmured to my lips. He nibbled softly at my lower lip like a kitten worrying over a thumb. "I want to see those pretty lips wrapped around my cock so bad."
I let out a laugh at that. "Wish granted, sir. Sooo granted." I knelt on the floor next to him, and I glanced up at him from beneath my eyelashes. "If that's what you'd like."
"Yes, I like. I like that. 나는 이것을 좋아한다." I recognized only 좋아 of that and grinned.
I undid the belt holding his pants up and unzipped his jeans. "Then let me have a little fun of my own."
His cock slipped out from above the waist band of his boxers at my hand. He was hefty--they all were--thick with a prominent vein running down the side. I ran my tongue along that vein, to a whimper from the man above me.
"Don't torture me, Rah."
"Don't plan on it," I replied, though I gave him a wicked grin. He muttered in Korean under his breath at that.
I took the tip only into my mouth and sighed softly at the taste. Musk and salt, and a little bit of the soap he used. Almost like he hadn't rinsed off thoroughly. I didn't question it, but I did know he'd been in the shower with one of the others. The thought made me tighten my jaw just a little, pulling another sweet groan from his throat.
I pulled off to speak. "You're the one who wanted absolute privacy, darlin', let me hear you."
And I dove back in to bring the entire length of his cock into my throat, relaxing into it. His choked cries filled the large room.
"God damn, you feel good," he murmured. His hips jerked, the power behind that restrained motion telling me I was in over my head with him. I redoubled my efforts, using my tongue to slide back and forth along the underside of his cock while hollowing my cheeks.
"Fuck!" He cursed, his hands tangling in my hair. I really did need to get that cut. "Rah, I can't--"
I hummed an affirmative.
"You want me to... In your mouth?"
I hummed again.
His eyes rolled back in his skull, scarcely visible from my position on the floor in front of his. "Baby, please."
I hummed again, this time because I knew the vibrations were feeling good for him. His mewls filled the air again, little whimpers that grew in pitch like a song. He didn't warn me before letting go, but I was still ready to swallow as fast as he came. The whimpers grew softer after another minute or so.
I glanced up at him after the fact, smug. "Okay?"
Muttered Korean. "No, it was great. But now what am I to do with you?"
"Nothing is fine," I replied loftily. "Just seeing the look on your face now is reward enough."
"Nonsense, get up here on the couch."
I laughed, gesturing to my braces. "How do you expect to get me out of this thing? Jisung still has to talk himself through it."
"I'll talk you out of it," he said, voice smug.
He began to unclasp the braces at my hips first, at least by appearances he knew how to get me out of them. Getting back into them might cause issues though, and I told him so.
"Worst thing that will happen is we have to call Jisungie to put you back in them." He dismissed my concerns, hooking his fingers into the jeans and pulling them down too. "I want my mouth on you yesterday."
I went to argue further, but he'd finally managed to bare my body to his eyes and lips, and he wasted no time wrapping his tongue around my clit. My head flew back with a gasp.
"Minho!"
"What, pretty? Speechless, are we?" He whispered into my lower body. "Mmm... God, you all taste so divine. I could eat you for hours."
"Fuck!" I cursed as he used his tongue to plunge into my body. He alternated between that and sucking harsh lines, like a man more used to sucking cock than eating cunt. The result stunned me to little whimpers and mewls, begging him in sounds rather than words. My release came embarrassingly fast under his skills, and still he nibbled my clit through it like a man possessed. Minho sat back on his haunches when he was through, staring down at me with a smug little grin on his face not unlike when he stared at Jisung during shows.
"You enjoyed that too much," I muttered, half to myself.
"Like I said. You all taste so good." He tilted his head to one side like the cat he was likened to often. “You look done.”
My cheeks burned, but I still nodded.
It took us working together to get the braces back on well enough for me to walk on them again. He laughed as soon as we got it fastened back in place.
"Ahh, success!" He said, grinning. "I told you we could do it. Next time, we'll have to get Hannie's help."
"You still call him Hannie?"
"I call Jisung-ah a lot of different things," he replied, tone reaching something like defensive. "He is my..."
"Nesting partner," I offered. "The one you live with."
"That is a good name for it."
"Poly can get messy if you let it," I said slowly. "So we all will need to be a little more cognizant of that."
At his blank look, I added: "Mindful or careful."
"You are a master of this language."
I shook my head. "I still learn new things about English. I just know it better than most, even among other native speakers. It comes with writing it."
"I'm sure I could learn a thing or two about Korean if I put as much time into it as you do English."
"Korean has been the most difficult language to try and learn on my own. I have tried, but Japanese was easier, and I'm no closer to learning it either. It makes me feel stupid sometimes."
"You're the last person I would think stupid," he replied flatly.
"I didn't say I was." I nodded toward the door. "We should head back before we're--" My phone started ringing, playing Domino in English, "--missed."
He chuckled softly. "Who is it?"
I glanced at the screen and flicked it to answer both the phone and his question. "I'm still in the building, Bella."
Her voice didn't shake, to her credit, but she still spoke with some inflection I couldn't quite pin down. "You'd better hope you are."
"I needed to have a talk with your Cat Daddy, dearest. He seemed to think it needed privacy. We are just upstairs."
"Oh, good," she replied. "Just what I needed to hear."
Minho mouthed, "Cat Daddy?" at me.
I shushed him with a hand. "Yes, yes, we'll be back down shortly. Promise. Did you need something, or just wanted to know I was safe yet?"
"We have a problem, actually," she replied dryly.
I froze. "Problem?"
"You might want to come down here. The zombies are starting to talk to people without killing us on sight, and the Tiktoks are... informative, to say the least."
I exchanged a glance with Minho and nodded. "We're heading back now. See you in a minute." I hung up the phone, blinking up at him. "This doesn't sound good."
"No. It doesn't. Let's go." He took hold of my elbow and led the way back through the labyrinth that was backstage, back past the sentries looking out into the night for Walkers, and down into the safe room once more. Bella met us at the doorway, pacing back and forth with an energy I rarely saw in her. She thrust her phone into my face almost immediately.
The video was of a middle aged man, who was being filmed by someone else as he was pacing and the camera shaking in the holder's grasp.
"They came from somewhere far away from here, on the asteroid. They're some kind of parasite. They're wicked smart, but they're not used to the kind of temperature ranges we have. That's why they have trouble at different temperatures. God, they've no idea why some of us just fight them off with our bodies. Something to do with our brains being different."
The video started over again, but Bella turned off her phone. "They're here because their planet was demolished, or so they're claiming. The rock was the last of their planet."
"Parasitic zombies." I blinked. "Our brains... that's got to be it. Everyone who's survived the parasite has a different kind of brain..."
"A different kind of brain?" Minho repeated. "But how does that explain all of us?"
I hesitated. "Well, I'm autistic. And ADHD. Maybe it has something to do with dopamine or serotonin or norepinephrine or something. Either way... neurodivergent brains kill the parasite."
"That explains why we got sick," Bella added. "Fever kills parasites too. But... does that mean we still have to go to Svalbard?"
"I've been taking my meds this whole time," I replied, shaking my head. I knew others had prescriptions they were taking. How we were going to continue producing antidepressants after they ran out, nobody knew, but we had raided every pharmacy within reach already. I had enough of mine for a year. "We still need the knowledge. The parasite still dies even if you're medicated."
Tension ran out of Bella's body at that. "Then we stick to the plan."
"Has anybody found out what the Talkers’ plans are as far as the living go?"
"No. They've stopped killing us all on sight, but that doesn't mean we are safe. The Walkers and Runners still try to kill us."
"What about the Flyers?"
"There's not enough of them to know yet."
Minho nodded toward the back rooms. "Maybe we should move this conversation?"
I shrugged. "Cat's out of the bag with this being all over Tiktok."
"Where's Jisung?" Minho asked.
"When we realized Rah was missing again, he went searching the safe room for him," Bella replied, regarding me coolly. "Next time tell someone you are going somewhere."
"That would be my fault this time," Minho admitted.
"No, this is my fault. We should all--" I started.
"There you are!" Interrupted Felix, stumbling into the hallway alongside Jisung and Eliza. "Where did you go off to?"
I gestured to Minho. "I promised him a talk not that long ago."
Jisung studied me carefully. "Uh huh. A talk. Well, at least you're safe now."
I opened my mouth to retort, but Felix held up one hand. "Ah ah ah, no. You don't get to brush this one off, Rah. We were worried about you. Again."
"You vanished like before," Eliza added. She looked annoyed this time, not worried.
"We were upstairs in the green room," Minho said, his voice terse. "Now, I think it's about time we all headed to bed. We have things to do if we leave in two days."
"We leave in two days for DC, and then we split a few days after that. The scientists meeting Bella and crew are on their way to New York. You'll have to fly there, refuel, and then fly to Svalbard."
"Then rest is what we're after now," Jisung said, holding his hands out to the others. "We should spend our time wisely."
I headed toward the room I'd been sleeping in, expecting to be left to my own devices. Instead, Felix followed me.
"I think I'd like to sleep with you tonight, Rah, if that's still okay?" He shifted from foot to foot nervously, his fingers pressed to the side of his neck.
I blinked in surprise. "Sure. I thought you'd rather..." I trailed off.
"I'll be going with Eliza to Japan here soon. No, it's you I need to spend time with, 나비."
I nodded slowly. "Chan mentioned that you read Talk Nerdy to Me and wondered..."
"Is that what my voice feels like to you? Butterfly wings?" Felix looked almost excited.
I stopped walking, and I turned to him to answer directly. "Depends on the pitch, the tone, whether you're just talking or singing... but yeah. One of them."
"Which one?"
"When you're speaking in your higher register, it's the butterfly wings,” I explained slowly. “When you're in your lowest, like rain drops. When you speak normally or sing, it's soft like a teddy bear. That's actually pretty common, for voices."
He smiled softly, and my heart remembered why we called this man a fae prince sometimes. "Pretty common to feel soft things when people speak? That's amazing."
"Y-Yes, I guess it is," I stammered. I'd heard it all before--anytime I did bring up my synesthesia, most people reacted in only a few ways. But somehow it felt new, coming from him.
We wandered back to the room I'd been sleeping in.
"Do you need help getting out of that thing?" He asked.
I wiggled from side to side a bit, undoing the straps at the very top of the braces first. "I can get out of it just fine, it's getting back into the things that poses a problem. But Jennen and Jisung both know how to help me get into it."
"That's why both are going with you to DC." Felix wilted a little. "I'm going to miss him while I'm in Japan. Channie too. And Lee Know..."
"We're all eventually going to be in the same place." I told him gently. "It's temporary."
"It's necessary. Eliza and I will be ferrying every idol who wants to go to North Pole as we can. You know they're already calling it New Seoul?"
"I'm not surprised to hear that," I replied, finishing undoing all of the straps from my body. I pulled at the mechanisms that held the braces to me, finally slipping out of them entirely. I winced as I dropped onto the bed afterwards.
"Does it hurt a lot?" He asked.
"Depends on what you mean by a lot," I replied wearily. "It hurts more than using the cane does at the end of the day, but that's likely because the brace is forcing my hips to align in a way they haven't since the accident."
"What happened to you?" His voice was softer than usual, the butterfly wings less pronounced even though his voice was high. "I know what you posted on Tiktok about it, but..."
"A guy rear-ended my car when I'd stopped to take a turn. He hadn't been paying attention--on his phone, is my guess. He hit me at full speed from what the police said. I couldn't have prevented it if I tried. The accident pulled my hips out of alignment and hurt the bursae. Those are the fluid filled sacs around the joints. That plus having EDS already..." I shrugged.
"And nothing the doctors can do to help?"
"They could have done more PT. They could have done more pain management with injections. American insurance doesn't like to cover things well, and none of it was guaranteed to help. I did four rounds of PT with little to show for it."
"Well... I guess that's one good thing about all this. Insurance isn't exactly..." He trailed off.
"Yes, but we've also fewer doctors," I pointed out. "Although I'd argue a good chunk likely survived if they had someplace to be."
"Why do you say that?"
"I can't imagine neurotypicals making it through med school," I replied with a grin. "But I guess we'll find out."
He laughed at that. "You have a theory for everything, don't you?"
"It's as good a one as any."
"True." He hesitated for a moment before reaching out for me. "I wanted to talk to you about your plans for after you rescue Malachi and his lieutenant."
"Oh?" I pulled at my jeans. I knew I'd need to change out of them to sleep... "What about it?"
"What exactly is your plan?"
I tilted my head. "How do you mean?"
He sighed in exasperation. "Rah! You can't personally dig each and every individual up out of the rubble? Not on your own."
"No, of course not," I replied, shaking my head. "But I can organize it. I can make sure that survivors are found, and I can make sure that the good ole boys who are doing all the digging are safe. That's my plan."
"And you can't do that from Discord safely in New Seoul?"
So they really were calling the former city of North Pole New Seoul. Enough that Felix had already adopted it.
"I plan on doing it from Virginia on north from there," I replied. "Plus getting as much of our history away from the storms."
"Is the history really that important?"
"Let me ask you this," I folded my arms up. "Is what remains of the Korean government abandoning their history? Or are they packing it away on the ferries still taking citizens to Japan?"
Felix fell silent. "They're taking it."
"Our dumbass military might be stupid enough to abandon ours, but Alaska is now the only state left in the Union safe for us to exist. Hawaii might be rendered safe with a lot of military action, maybe even Australia. We don't know yet. We don't know what the zombies' plans are now that they've realized they can't take over everyone's brains."
Felix regarded me quietly for a moment. "You're already planning three steps ahead? Like that?"
"Honey, I'm already trying to plan how to get South America evacuated too."
"Just how long do you plan on staying away from New Seoul?" He demanded.
I sighed and started to take off my shoes. "Turn around so I can change into my pajamas."
He did, though not without sporting a smirk across his face. He made no comment on the request. I quickly changed into a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top. I continued speaking as I did so. "My plans are for evacuating Virginia through New York. There's enough people helping dig others out that I don't think I'll truly be needed north of Delaware, if I'm perfectly honest."
"You're not needed there," he said quietly. "Not for what you're planning to do. So why are you really going?"
"I've got a saving people problem," I said. There was a stubborn set to my jaw now that I recognized, one my therapist would have pointed out. I wondered briefly if she was among the living. She was neurodivergent... "I always have had it. Call it a trauma response if you want."
"It's admirable that you want to save everyone you can, Rah, but instead of doing all this from down here you should do it from New Seoul."
"You're not going to convince me to change my mind."
He sighed. "Yeah. But I had to try."
I cupped his cheek, admiring the freckles that splashed across his face like stardust. "I'm glad you care enough about me to try. I care enough about you not to try talking you out of going to Japan with Eliza. I know you're needed there."
"There's so many of us who aren't bilingual. New Seoul is going to be an interesting place to live, once we're all there."
"It sure is. Maybe now I'll be forced to learn the language my brain has been rejecting since 2022."
"Has it really only been that long?" He asked.
"I didn't start listening to any music at all until then. My ex-husband called it an obsession long before I started in on Kpop."
"What happened to him?"
I sighed, not wanting to think about him. "We separated. I was forced to move out of my dad's house without him, and I found you guys and just... Let's just say I realized one day that Chan wouldn't treat me the way he did."
"And he died."
"Still living at my dad's house after we got divorced. Yeah."
He frowned, tilting his head to one side like I'd seen him do a thousand times when he's thinking. "Your dad let him...?"
"My parents were always just a bit strange," I said. "He'd have been homeless if he'd left, so dad let him stay. Simple as that."
Felix blinked. "You know, now I think I know where you get that trauma response from."
I laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right." I gestured toward the bed. "We should sleep. We have a long two days ahead of us before we're both on flights."
He nodded slowly. We climbed into the bed together. His head flopped onto the pillow next to mine. I thought that'd be the end of it, but instead, his long lanky arms wrapped clean around my middle and pulled me bodily across the bed into his arms. I made a tiny noise of surprise, making him chuckle. "I didn't scare you, did I?"
"No, just wasn't expecting it."
"Get used to it, 나비. I love cuddles." He suited his words, snuggling into my neck.
"I knew that. I did. Really."
He chuckled softly, the sound like soft teddy bear fur against my skin. Felix was a rarity in that no matter what sound he made, he set off my synesthesia. Not all sounds did. "Good night, Rah. Sleep well."
Anxiety and ADHD kept me awake awhile longer, even with my medication on board to help me sleep. Felix held me through it all, his cheek nuzzling gently against mine or my shoulder. When at last sleep claimed me, I dreamed of New Seoul, and what it will be like to live there in a town made up of Kpop idols. I dreamed of running into Jungkook at a greenhouse full of strawberries, and how normal that meeting will eventually be.
***
I woke up in the early morning hours, long before I'd ever have been awake on my own. At first I was disoriented. Then the press of Felix's body against mine grounded me in reality. That's when I realized that Felix was softly crying, his tears soaked into the shoulder of my tank top. I tried to turn in his arms, but they were too tightly wrapped around my body for me to do more than glance over my shoulder in the pitch black room.
"Felix?" I whispered. "Lixie, are you okay?"
He sniffled softly. "I'm sorry I woke you."
"Felix, honey, darling," I murmured back, just as softly. "I'd rather wake up and help you than sleep through you crying. What is it? What's wrong?"
"I-I can't help it. I-I'm going to miss everyone while they're gone and there's a chance you won't make it up to New Seoul for months yet, and I-I... oh, Rah..."
I tried to turn in his arms again and this time he let me go long enough to turn around and face him.
"I can't fix this, Lix," I murmured softly. "I can't just snap my fingers and make everyone arrive safely in North Pole. That's not the world we live in. Listen to me. I want you to focus on what you can control in all this. What is that?"
"What I do with Eliza," he whispered in the dark. "I can only control what we do flying over to Japan."
"That's right, sweetheart," I replied, my voice soft in the night. I hesitated before leaning forward the scant few inches that separated us, and I kissed him. "That's right." I whispered to his lips.
He tentatively returned the kiss, his hesitance thick in the air around us. "I don't want to rush you, butterfly, but..."
"We don't have a lot of time," I whispered. "In fact, we have very little of it if you're to see to everyone you need to. Tonight's the last night... I need to dedicate tomorrow to Seungmin."
"And Jeongin, if I miss my guess," Felix whispered back. "To both of them... God, Rah, I don't want to rush this..."
"We're not rushing anything," I promised. "We're just having to go our own pace."
He chuckled quietly, the sound hitting me in the chest with its softness. "Only you would say that." He kissed me again, deepening it slowly, an exploration of lips and teeth.
"I dunno about that," I replied with a soft snicker. "You guys have a whole ass song about how it's okay to run slowly. In fact, it's even called My Pace."
He laughed. "Fine, fine, I give you that one. We said it first."
"Eight years ago, if I miss my guess." I kissed him again. A yelp followed him flipping us over, his body hovering over mine in the bed. I giggled nervously.
"What, now you're nervous?" He teased.
"Well yeah, you're still Lee fucking Felix, and I'm still just Rah."
"You've been my butterfly since before we ever met. I know better than most that you don't get to know someone well by how they portray themselves on social media, but... I'd like to think we've gotten to know each other well enough by now down here that you're not 'just Rah' to me. Haven't been for years."
I sighed into the kiss he left then, a balm to my nerves. His little speech had been done in his higher register, the butterfly kisses to my cheeks almost tickling. “I’m not going to argue with you, then.”
“Most people choose not to argue with me.”
I grabbed hold of his hips and pulled him down on top of me. “So stop arguing with me and fuck me already.”
“Rah!” He giggled, collapsing on top of me. “You can’t just say it like that.”
“Of course I can,” I replied loftily. “Now are we going to fuck, or are we going to keep talking about my plans. I can go either direction, but I need a plan.”
“Plans are for our travels, not for our bed.” His voice tipped lower, into that register that felt like raindrops. His hips canted up into me. His cock was half hard already.
“You don’t plan sex with Channie?” I asked, tinging my tone with innocence.
“We plan times, not the actual sex.”
“When we get a better chance, I’ll show you what planned sex can look like,” I muttered. I leaned up to kiss him, moaning softly into his lips as I deepened it.
"You," he murmured between kisses, "you think we'll have a chance?"
I stared at him in the dark, quiet a moment. "I don't know, you tell me?"
"Of course we will!" He cried, grabbing hold of my arms on either side. "We'll all get there safely, and you'll live with us all, and we'll... we'll..."
"Baby, shh, shh, don't panic, that's not what I meant. Oh, come here," I hugged him to me tightly and rolled over so I hovered above him. My hands flipped up the hem of his sleep shirt and began tugging it off of him. "Everything is going to be okay, Felix."
He moaned softly, helping me wiggle him out of his shirt at last. "God, you're so..." He trailed off.
"So what?" I trilled, pulling him out of his sleep shorts before undressing myself entirely.
"I want to say something sexy, but you're mostly intimidating." He chuckled, the sound teasing through me like raindrops.
I kissed down his chest and abs, the skin jumping under my lips as if he were startled at every motion. "Intimidating is not sexy, try again."
"I know it's not, you little brat," he muttered. "You planning on being one all morning?"
"I'm not a brat," I replied archly. My fingers twitched up his torso, smoothing across skin so pale I could almost see it in the pitch black of the morning. God, I wasn't thinking straight anymore. My lips wrapped around his thick cock, warming it between my tongue and the roof of my mouth.
His voice wavered on a thick moan, and gentle waves pitter-pattered against my skin. I'd never been with a person who's every vocalization set off my synesthesia, but Lee Felix did in spades. It was almost distracting in a way. I suckled on his cock, drawing another moan from his lips, and tried not to smile around it.
“What has you smirking like that?” He gasped out breathlessly.
I popped off him to answer, crawling up his lithe body like a serpent. “Your voice… It’s doing things to me.” I kissed him sweetly.
“That good or bad?”
“Mmm… distracting but not in a bad way,” I muttered. I kissed him one last time, then ran his cock through my wet folds, pulling another gasp from his throat like warm butter. “Last chance to back out if you feel like we’re rushing this…”
“No,” he said, too quickly. Slower, he added: “No, I want you.”
“Then you have me,” I murmured to his lips and sank down onto his cock at the same moment. A breathless moan shivered out of my chest. My hips protested the angle, but I powered through to take him all the way in.
I paused once he was stretching every inch of me out his thick cock could, relishing in it for a mom]ent. In the deep darkness that surrounded us, Felix murmured. “You’re okay?”
“I’m amazing,” I replied, grinning into the dark even though he couldn’t see it. “Are all of you huge, or is it just you and Channie and Minho and Jisung?”
He laughed, tossing his head back against the pillows. “You’ll find out with Seungmin and Innie, won’t you?”
“Now I’m just curious,” I joked, lifting my hips up to fuck myself on his cock. He moaned lightly, the noise spreading goosebumps along my arms and shoulders. I brought my hands up his chest and toyed with his nipples, pleased when he moaned louder.
“Baby, those are sensitive.”
“Good,” I mumbled, contorting myself so that I could lick one into my mouth while I moved my hips back and forth. That was more comfortable than trying to lift them. The heat in the room was almost enough to make me sweat.
“Fuck, baby, hold on tight--” He grasped my hips, pulling me further down on his cock as he began to thrust up into me. I released his nipple and clung to both his shoulders.
I held on tight, as he had asked. Every time he pressed home, he moaned deep in his throat, deep in that low tone that made me fall for him to begin with. Pulling out, he nearly whimpered, as if leaving the heat of my pussy was difficult even for that brief moment. The slow pace is aching, needy, almost exactly what I needed.
He startled me with a smack on my ass, just enough to sting. “Fuck, Felix,” I growled.
“Yeah? You like that?” He repeated the action, a little harder. He still hadn’t picked up the pace fucking me, that slow edge now a tease.
“Fuck me harder,” I mumbled to his lips, kissing them right after. “Please. Please, fuck me harder.”
“I got the pretty noona to beg for me,” he marveled softly. He grasped my ass in his hands and pushed down while he fucked up harder than before. He nibbled softly at the edges of my lips, almost biting.
“I’m not begging.”
“Yes, yes, my sweet butterfly, you are. Singing for me.”
There’s a clatter that startled both of us. I stared into the darkness, unable to see what had fallen to make such a noise. “We must have knocked over my braces.”
Felix rolled his hips up slowly to meet mine, almost like he was thinking. “I’m going to flip us. How do you feel about on all fours?”
“You can just call it doggy style,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
“That a yes?”
“Yes, yes, don’t make me--” He pulled out and flipped me like a pancake again, like I weighed nothing at all, cutting me off mid-rant. His cock ran once, twice, thrice through the slick left behind by our earlier actions before sliding home. I moaned aloud, all thoughts of arguing further scattered.
Felix drew his hips back and slammed into me, drawing another muted groan from my lips. He repeated the action, picking up speed as he went. Soon the exaggerated sound of his hips impacting my ass filled the room, alongside tiny yips I couldn’t help but make with every rough thrust.
“There you are,” he gasped out, high and breathy with butterfly wings to my cheeks only adding to the sensations. “Fuck, baby, will you come like this? Can you?”
“Yes!” I gasped out.
Felix’s hands dug into the meat of my hips and ass, leaving behind fingerprint bruises that were sure to stay. Bruises tended to last on my skin for longer than usual.
“That’s it, baby, that’s it,” Felix praised. “I can feel how close you are.”
My moans went higher and higher the closer to the edge I got. Suddenly, I was falling over the cliff’s edge. He bit into my shoulder, adding to the sensations. He kept thrusting hard and rough into my body for a short time before warmth spread inside of me. His hips slowed and finally stopped, resting deep inside.
We both panted for air in silence for several moments. Then he slapped my ass enough to sting again, huffing against my shoulder. “God, you’re so bratty.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “I’m a switch, thank you very much. I don’t brat that much.”
He chuckled softly. “Good to know. Shit, hang on, let me get something to clean us up with.”
I sighed softly. Jisung, Chan, and Minho had all thought of cleanup afterwards. It looks like I’d have to be the one to think of that where Felix was concerned.
That only left whatever Seungmin and Innie had in store for me, before we all went our separate ways to ensure the survival of the human race.