Chapter Text
News of my sister’s marriage had arrived. At last, the matter was resolved. Barely, but resolved nonetheless.
I am not surprised by Lydia one bit, or by Wickham to be truthful. Had Mr. Darcy not awarded me clarity of Mr. Wickham’s true character I would have been perplexed by the whole charade, but actually it all seems rather fitting. As much as it pains me to speak ill of my own sister, he is absolutely Lydia’s equal.
There is a part of me that holds bitterness, that he and I once shared affection for one another, and here he is with my younger sister. But upon further thought, (aside from his titles and money) I see now that Mr. Darcy was a better fit all along.
Mr. Darcy...
Mr. Darcy.
What would have happened had I not turned down his last attempts to seduce me? My virtue would have been his that instant, I know it. We could be married by now. Surely he wouldn’t rob my virtue and not marry me? Is that what I want? To be Mrs. Darcy? I can strangely think of nothing else...
At supper, Lydia didn’t wait long to boast her raptures and adventures with Wickham. She made sure to rub every ridiculous detail in our faces, none of us paying her much attention except of course, our mother and Kitty.
I was doing my best not to listen until I heard Mr. Darcy’s name casually spill from her mouth.
“Mr. Darcy?” I asked, not sure if I heard correctly..
“He was the one who discovered us. He paid for the wedding and everything!” Lydia replied.
I was in disbelief.
“Mr. Darcy!?” I repeated..genuinely shocked.
“Hush Lizzie! He told me not to tell. Mr. Darcy isn’t as high and mighty as he seems sometimes..”
Dumbfounded, I knew. I knew he rushed off that evening to patch this up for my family. For me. Why else? He holds nothing but disdain for Wickham.
At bedtime, I nearly confided in my dear Jane. I mentioned that I’d seen Mr. Darcy and was immediately reminded that this could cause her pain. Remembering Bingley. I blew out the candle and went to bed instead. She didn’t pry.
………………..
A few, long days later we were just starting to get back into our normal routine. We had all been worried sick for Lydia and it was nice to at last, relax.
My sisters, mother and I were enjoying some quiet time in the sitting room when Kitty ran in screaming,
“He’s here! He’s here, Mr. Bingley!”
“and he’s here with Mr. Pompous something or other”
Knowing full well who she meant, I jumped out of my seat and ran to the window with everyone else.
It was, in fact Mr. Darcy with Mr. Bingley. What were they both doing here? A wave of anxiety as well as relief washed over me. I didn’t care why he was here. I just knew I needed to see him.
We straightened ourselves up quick as we could and did our best to look presentable by the time they were announced into the room.
Mr. Darcy looked at me but once, and quickly averted his eyes to my mother who per usual would not shut up. Poor Jane. I suspect they are here for the shooting and being cordial by stopping by. But it would be nice if my mother would not embarrass Jane further by drawing attention to her.
I interject as soon as I see the opportunity...
“Are you well Mr. Darcy?”
“Quite well, thank you.”
He replies. Short.
“I hope the weather stays fine for your sport.” I add, wanting him to engage into further conversation with me. Seems he is in a taciturn mood at present.
“I return to town tomorrow.” He says, concise.
“So soon..” I say, disappointment implied in my tone and his gaze lingering on mine. It seems he is catching the hint that he is wanted here before Bingley interrupts our exchange.
Out of nowhere Bingley excuses them in the most odd behavior, only to return again within the same hour. This time he came without Darcy, much to my dismay.
He got straight to the point. He requested a private audience with Jane, and proposed. I could not be more happy for my sister, but part of me feels abandoned. Why didn’t Mr. Darcy return with Bingley? Will I see him again? Maybe he is quite over me?
I make an immense effort to forget about him for the time being so I may dedicate my energy to being excited with my sister. It was the happiest day of her life. I can’t help but think, this was also at the hands of Darcy. I am not one to be affected with self importance but why else would he help Lydia and Jane? He had to have talked to Bingley about Jane and corrected his own faults.
Yet, he isn’t here.
That night, I can not fall to sleep. Good thing, too because at half past ten, Lady De Bourgh is pounding on my front door, demanding a word with me.
To my surprise, she is here to ream me about a rumor of Darcy and I being engaged. To some of her accusations there is truth. As to not get Darcy into hot water, I find ways to avoid answering some of her more direct questions.
“and can you promise you will never enter into such an engagement?” She asks, almost victoriously.
“I will not and I certainly never shall.” I couldn’t resist. But after all the insults she has cost me and my family tonight, let her stew on that.
Once she was gone, I needed to wind down. I decided to write to Mr. Darcy. I would have to be very forthcoming or I feel his pride will not allow him to come back to me.
Dear Mr. Darcy,
A recent amends to Lydia’s scandal has been brought to my attention and I believe you’ve had something to do with it. I know you do not want the credit, but I must thank you, sir. It means everything to my family.
I was ever glad to see you when you stopped by with Mr. Bingley- which I’m sure you played a part in his proposing. Jane is beyond herself, as am I for her. How can I ever thank you? I have only one complaint. Why did you not stay?
I’m going to be very frank. There are words I would rather express in person but I am too impatient, and you left so quickly, I worry it will be long before I will get the chance to see you again.
I hope this letter portrays a parallel idea of how I’m feeling.
I must tell you, Mr. Darcy. I've missed you. I’ve thought of nothing else since coming home.
I need to see you.
I need you.
Could this be made possible, I beg? May I come to you?
One more thing that has been on my mind since our last encounter.
I did not ask you to stop out of lack of want on my part. Believe me, I did want it. I do, still. It was torture to ask you to stop. Every moment I think of your hands on me.
This situation in it’s entirety has just been so confusing, wouldn’t you agree?
But it’s all come together for me.
I know now. I love you.
I love you.
There is so much more I want to say that would be better expressed in person.
I will anxiously await your reply.
Yours,
Elizabeth.
I fold up my letter and put it in a safe keeping box under my bed until the morning when I can leave to post it.
…………………..
I lay in bed for hours, a complete sleepless night. I wait until I hear the birds singing, grab my letter and coat and head out to leisurely walk into town to post my letter.
I don’t even think I walked a mile before I see on the horizon, a Mr. Darcy mirage. Could it be him? Really? It’s barely dawn. What ever is he doing walking out here at dawn?
Stopped dead in my tracks, I wait for him to disappear into thin air. Am I going mad today from lack of sleep?
It isn’t until he reaches me that I realize, I’m not dreaming him up. He’s here. Baffled, I don’t quite have my wits.
“I couldn’t sleep.” is what I managed to mutter.
“Nor I. My aunt..”
“Yes, she was here.” I say sheepishly.
“How can I ever make amends for such behavior?” he replied, sounding contrite.
“After what you did for Lydia…
... and I suspect for Jane also, it is I who should be making amends.”
“You must know. Surely you must know, it was all for you.” He confessed.
I knew this, but I still couldn’t find much to say, as I was exhausted and overwhelmed with feeling.
He goes on...
“You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night and it has taunt me to hope, as I scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings still are as they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever…"
I feel as though I could faint. I can see that he is nervous and this is difficult for him to be vulnerable again with me. I give him an encouraging, but subtle beam for him to continue.
“If, however your feelings have changed, I must tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul and I love,
I love,
I love you.
I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”
My heart could explode. I am still having a hard time being verbose. This is the proposal I have been longing for. I take a step forward and embrace his hand.
“Well then..” He looks at me in disbelief as I kiss his finger where his wedding band will be.
He held me in his embrace, letting the sun wash over and warm us as it rose.
…………..
“I will have to talk to your father today. Do you think he will approve?” He jested, but I could tell he had nerves about it.
“Hmm..I can’t be sure. I am the favorite, you know.” I teased.
We both laughed as we walked back to my house. Hand in hand.
Before we stepped inside, I handed him my letter.
“I wrote this last night. I was on my way to post it when I was so rudely interrupted by a proposing passerby..”
He smiled and pocketed it before giving me a chaste kiss on my forehead and turned to walk inside to ask for my hand.
My father looks positively baffled to see Mr. Darcy. I can only imagine how the conversation is carrying on.
I can’t hear a thing through the door. I give up and pace anxiously back and forth until Darcy finally opens the door and I rush in after him. I know my father must be confused but I am so excited to share this with him.
It has crossed his mind that this is about money. I make sure that is not the case in the least, but that I actually do love him. Very much.
My admittance brings him to tears. He is happy for me. I know he does not yet know Darcy as I do, but in time he will.
I embrace my father once more and run out to reunite with my Mr. Darcy. I find him near the pond behind my house reading my letter.
I sit beside him and take his hand in mine and rest my head on his shoulder.
I wonder what he thinks of the words I wrote before his proposal this morning.
“It's true, you know.” I say. “I think I have loved you from the beginning"
He says nothing, he just grabs my chin to bring my lips up to meet his. Knowing full well my family would not approve of the contact, neither of us seem to care.
This kiss is soft, lingering and full of adoration. I part my lips just slightly along with his and revel in the feeling of being in love, at last.