Chapter Text
Maybe it was luck. Maybe it was her willingness to believe in anything spiritual-like before denying it all as false. She wasn't a sceptic, nor was she overly obsessed with it. She was simply open to delving deeper into other topics, and hearing what people have to say. Whether it be their beliefs for the Zodiac or anything supernatural. She was always open to learning more.
It started by a memory flashing in her mind when she was fourteen years old and walking home from school. She simply saw it as her active imagination at first and moved on. Then, bit by bit, as she grew up she started to see more. It was like a story she was coming up with at random sporadic moments.
Only did she realize that the things she was seeing, the memories she'd remember, were real when it started to feel real. Sometimes it was like she could imagine herself back there. She could feel the sun beating down on her skin, her heart beating against her chest, as she practiced throughout the day. Then, the moment the notion of these memories being a part of her past life things started to change.
She started to remember more, she started to feel and experience it all so much more. As she grew up so did the memories of her past life, and so did her connection to it as well. That's when she started separating the two lives, where she recognized Valerie Christ as her, yet, at the same time a separate part of her that still made her feel human and like herself.
-
As Amanda made her way through the office she made a beeline straight towards one of the sets for a meeting. She could hear Angela's voice in the background, as she talked to Chanse. Every part of her gut willed herself to glance their way, just to see Angela's face. It was becoming a very habitual body response that made Amanda feel off. It was like her body was fighting with her brain as she wanted nothing more than to separate the two. Especially when, for the past three days, all Amanda dreamt about was her past life.
Whether Amanda liked it or not her past life is bleeding into her daily life. It was like Maya was a bug crawling her way through to every facet of Amanda's brain, prying her to see her again with every similarity she had with Angela. Then it'd all only throw her off when she saw her as her new coworker who she was expected to work side by side with.
Eventually, she'll be able to face her and see her as who she is. Eventually she'll be able to talk to her without being reminded of a past life that may not even be connected to her. It'd just take time and Amanda needed to be more patient. She needed to not think so much on the way Angela spoke, smiled and reacted so easily to everything.
She sat on the couch where they filmed general Smosh Pit videos, the one connected to the Board AF set. If she recalled they'd be discussing a new series Damien suggested, 'Board AF Legacy: Betrayal.' They'd start filming for it in a week's time, starting on Tuesday for one episode and Thursday the next. Coincidentally enough, Angela featured in those videos with her and that'd be both the second and third time they feature in a video together.
Whether it be fate or the odds working in her favor, both videos were character centric. Which would definitely help Amanda a lot in getting used to the change that was simply Angela's existence. It seemed almost silly to her upon hindsight, getting extremely wrapped in her coworker without the other one's knowledge.
"Hey," Angela said, as she waved at Amanda. She took a seat, a couch cushion away from her. "Any idea what game Damien is suggesting? I didn't get much information from Spencer."
"I mainly heard some stuff from Damien," Amanda said, momentarily making eye contact with Angela. She ignored the tremor of her heart that pulled her towards the other, wanting to sit closer. If Amanda could hate Valerie Christ she would in that moment. “I don’t remember what it’s called, but he said that it’s like a story that builds on itself.”
Angela simply nodded, just about to leave it at that. Yet, every part of Amanda screamed at her to keep the conversation going. To continue talking to her, to hear her voice and listen to what Angela had to say. It was like her heart was going haywire bleeding the lines of Maya Cameron and a new coworker, her mind doing everything it can to keep the line drawn.
"What type of character do you think you'll play?" Amanda asked, wanting to make casual conversation. Simply staring blankly at their phone waiting for more people to arrive was awkward. Plus, she had to get to know her new coworker at some point.
"Definitely way different from Bazanka, but I feel like that's a given," Angela said, slightly humming as she tried to think of a character. "Maybe the type of character that some can find annoying, but is generally the most fun to play." Her train of thought continued on, occasionally making eye contact with Amanda. "I haven't built a character up yet, clearly."
"That's fine," Amanda said. "I mean that's what this meeting is for. Plus, it's hard to build a character in the first place, when we don't know much of the game and its setting."
"Do you have any ideas on the type of character you'd like to play?" She asked, putting her phone away in her pocket.
Amanda hadn't really thought about it, due to the busy schedule she had. The most she ended up having for her particular character this time was a rough idea. "It's a rough idea. I know for sure I'm going to be putting on a voice." She paused momentarily, "Maybe an accent of some sort, I'm tossing in between a few."
"Yeah, I want to put on a voice too," Angela uttered. "Just one that's a lot easier on my throat."
"What are you thinking?" Amanda asked. "Lay it on me, maybe a bit of improv can help us figure out our characters.”
A couple of voices were thrown around, a multitude of sillier and sillier voices continuing on. Angela at one point just seeing which one would get a chuckle out of Amanda. Which admittedly, wasn't exactly hard. Amanda would play off of her on the fly character, seeing which one would just click. It was just an added bonus if a random accent Amanda attempted made Angela stumble mid character. It was nice when it was like this. When, there was stuff to do and the vast difference between the world of her past life and her current life was like night and day. It made it all disappear for a moment, letting Amanda focus on the present.
Chanse came by in the middle of their little session. Even before he could ask what was going on Angela greeted him with an obvious voice of an elderly woman. The completely unphased look on his face, making Amanda chuckle.
"You really want to start out playing an elderly woman?" Chanse asked. "That seems more like an idea for a later episode.
"Hey, I'm just throwing out anything," Angela shrugged, getting out of character as quickly as she was in it.
The quick switch reminded Amanda of Maya but she pushed it aside. It was nothing.
"Even before this meeting starts I will have such a solid character to tell Damien about," Angela continued on. "And Amanda will exhaust every single accent she could possibly do until she finds the one that clicks."
"Actually I'm thinking about maybe going for a bit of an Irish one," she said, cutting in.
Angela paused. "Shit. Well, either way I have another idea." She took a deep breath, getting into character.
"Hello?" A more loud voice came out, slightly squeaky when she started. "Hi! Hi!" She repeated. "Have you seen my son? He's about yay high," she indicated a general height with her hand. The fact she was sitting made the theoretical son very short.
"He's quite small isn't he?" Amanda pointed out in an Irish accent, that leaned to Scottish for a second.
"He got his height from his mother," Chanse said in a different voice than his own, joining in.
"How rude! I'll let you know, he's insecure about his height," Angela huffed. "He-," she paused the moment she said the word. It came out in a crack, unintentionally being a lot higher than she meant to. Almost as if Angela was mimicking a teenage boy going through puberty.
Her eyes widened in embarrassment as she gave the two a feigned smile. Words tumbled out as she looked away, ignoring Chanse's teasing jabs. "Wait! Wait! Chanse stop laughing! Not you too, Amanda!" She said in between laughs. "God," she chuckled, covering her face. "That never happened." She continued on, almost mumbling. "For my actual character I'll find a more stable tone."
As if the actions and words triggered a memory, the lines started to blur and her heart yearned for more. Then, as if she was living her old life again, she fell back into it. A rush of Maya's smiling face, close touches, filled her brain before it settled on one thing. One distinct memory that threw her back in, in the first place.
-
Valerie stepped outside in the field, yawning as she stretched out her arms. The sun hasn't risen yet and she had to prepare for the morning she had ahead of her. As she approached the training grounds, nearing the shed, a loud thud was heard. She turned her head only to see Maya from behind. She was in front of a tree, practicing her sword swings against it.
Valerie huffed with a light chuckle, approaching the soldier in training. "You know there's training dummies in the shed," she called out.
Maya's hands fumbled with the wooden sword, almost dropping it as she stiffly turned towards Valerie. "I wasn't sure if I was allowed to touch the training equipment."
"If you're going to be out here training early, you might as well use the equipment," Valerie reasoned with a shrug. "How long have you been out here?"
"Not long," Maya said. "Roughly ten minutes probably."
Valerie's gaze trained down to Maya's hands, seeing the light scratches on her fists. She'd definitely been out longer than she's letting on. "Well, don't let me stop you. Let me see you practice your swings." Valerie stepped back, her hand outstretched towards the tree, expectantly.
"Oh," Maya said. "Right," she continued. She took a deep breath, stepping back, gripping the sword tightly. Her arms stretched up, above her head. Just as she was about to slash the sword forward, her grip faltered causing the hilt of the wooden sword to hit her head. Before the weapon could fall to the floor she grasped onto it tightly, embarrassingly looking at Valerie.
There was something about her flushed face that made a light chuckle escape Valerie's lips.
"Wait, wait!" Maya said, panicked. She nervously laughed as she corrected herself. "Let me try again! That didn't happen!"
"Don't let me stop you," Valerie smirked. She appreciated her attitude, once again noticing how easy it is for her to adjust.
Then as if it never happened she tried again, getting the right form this time, and thrusting her sword down. There was an obvious hesitance as Maya went into it, but nothing she couldn't fix with practice. Plus, some minor issues with her stance that could go a long way in fixing her attacks.
"Plow stance," Valerie said. "Go."
Maya followed her instructions easily. The sword resting near her hip.
"Feet more farther apart," Valerie noted aloud, watching as Maya corrected her stance appropriately. "Longpoint stance."
Maya's foot shifted back, her sword held closely in front of her. Valerie stepped closer, her fingers lightly grazing the hilt before touching her knuckles. "You tend to grip your sword too tight. You need to relax more."
Maya glanced at her from the corner of her eye, taking a deep breath as she faced in front of her. She let her grip loosen, but still held on tight enough that it wouldn't fall. "Good enough for you, Captain?" Maya asked, and Valerie swore she could hear the teasing tone in her voice.
"I don't know Cameron," Valerie said, taking a step back. She turned towards the shed where she still needed to prepare all of the training dummies. "You'll have to prove it to me during actual practice later."
"I will," Maya promised, failing to meet Valerie's gaze as she walked away.
-
"You stuck on the accent?" Angela laughed, pulling Amanda back in. She had heard a bit of the conversation as they eventually returned to going back and forth with different voices. Yet, never actually commented during the conversation. She was aware of what happened but her mind was far off somewhere else.
"As if," Amanda said with a smirk. "I'd say I do quite a good Irish accent don't you?" She asked in the same Irish accent as before.
Before Chanse or Angela could even reply, Damien and Shayne arrived, joining the group. Damien held a board game in his hands, setting it on the table. He continued on to explain the game to them and how it worked, only pausing when one of them interjected.
As Shayne and Damien discussed the characters they were thinking about playing, Amanda glanced at Angela.
God. She was really starting to remind her of Maya. It wasn't just what she said, or how she may have reacted. There were so many things adding up one after another.
The way she said words and seemed to carry herself. The way she reacted so animatedly to certain things, always being the expressive kind. Which, coincidentally enough, was one of her favourite things about Maya.
Then, to top it all off, it was the way it all made Amanda feel. Everything in her going from viewing Angela as an ordinary coworker, to seeing her as Maya and her heart reacting almost immediately. Her coworker was most likely her lover in a past life. That thought alone made Amanda take a steady breath. Acceptance was hard, especially for something that seemed as nonsensical as this. So, all Amanda could do was focus elsewhere.
She could accept it, or atleast see past it eventually. Yet, right now, all she could see it as was unfair. Particularly, unfair to Angela. She was none the wiser to any of this mess, and only saw it all as this being her first ever time meeting Amanda. Had she been aware of it, Amanda had a feeling she'd notice by one sign or another.
She couldn't get to know Angela just because of memories in a past life. Doing that, having that happen with the knowledge of Maya, felt wrong. It all felt disingenuous, and made Amanda feel like she had some ulterior motives. If she was going to be friends with Angela, go beyond being casual coworkers, she wanted it to happen naturally. She wanted it all to happen on the terms of Amanda Lehan-Canto. Not on the terms of a life that's already run its course hundreds of years ago. That's the only way Amanda saw it as fair for both her and Angela.
-
By the time the meeting ended Chanse and Angela left first, with Damien leaving a few minutes after. Amanda stayed by the couch, scrolling through her phone aimlessly. Her eyes gazed at the time to see when she'd have to leave for her shoot. Shayne moved to sit on the same couch as Amanda, the two sitting in temporary comfortable silence.
“You seemed a bit distracted earlier, during the meeting,” Shayne said. "Is everything okay?"
Amanda frowned. She hadn’t expected it to be that obvious. She ran a hand through her hair, as she exasperatedly sighed out. It wasn't as if she couldn't tell him. The knowledge of her memories from a past life wasn't new information to Shayne. Same as it wasn't new information to Courtney. Though they both didn't know a lot (as she kept the details scarce at the time), it was still a fact she chose to keep brief. Whether it be due to pure disbelief from the latter or disinterest in sharing that part of her life with more people, she didn't find herself willing to open up about it. After all, she'd really rather just focus on the present.
"There are just some things that are on my mind," she settled on.
He turned towards her, meeting her gaze. “What’s up?”
She debated opening up to him, even if it was just for a moment. After all, they were both still at work, and Amanda liked keeping everything at work separate from any issues she may have. Even if her current issue was quite literally a work issue that just happened to bleed into her personal life. She turned her phone on, checking the time to see she had close to ten minutes before she had to leave.
"Sorry about that," Shayne said. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."
"Don't apologize," Amanda replied immediately. "I appreciate it, I really do. Just a side warning that this may end up just sounding ridiculous."
"I'm all good with ridiculous," he smiled. "Whatever it is, I'll hear you out and take your word for it."
"Thanks." Amanda's leg bounced up and down in a repeated motion as she laid her head back against the couch. “Do you remember how I told you that I remembered my past life?” She voiced aloud, her eyes training towards the door, before she met his gaze.
He nodded, humming a reply to show he was listening.
"Well, I didn't tell you about somebody in it," she continued, almost hesitantly. "Her name is Maya. She was my lover in my past life."
As Shayne met her gaze, she just knew he noticed the way her eyes instantly softened at the mention of Maya. "What was she like?"
"She was everything and so much more," Amanda smiled. "I try not to think about her much, since that's in the past and all. But, I loved her. I truly did." Her voice carried off distantly, finding solace in the comfort of memories that hadn't yet turned sad.
"That's sweet," Shayne smiled. "I'm glad you can remember such a positive factor in your past life."
"She was the highlight of it. When I look back, I try to remember the memories that include her."
"You don't usually talk about your past life," he started. "What brought this up?”
"I've been forced to think about it a lot more often," Amanda murmured, just loud enough for Shayne to hear. "It started happening when I filmed a video with Angela, and actually saw her." Before Shayne could even attempt to voice a question, she continued on.
"I'm pretty sure Maya is Angela." As soon as the words left her mouth, it was like a weight that tampered heavily on her mind was somewhat lighter. The puzzle pieces started to slot together, allowing her to understand it all so much more.
His eyes widened. "The new hiree?" He asked, surprised.
"Yeah," she said, her finger mindlessly tracing the design on her phone case. "At first she just looked like her, but I've been starting to see a bit more of Maya in her these past few days."
"Does Angela remember you as Valerie?"
"I doubt it," she said. "I just don't want this to get in the way of work."
"Well, it doesn't seem like it is right now," he said, reassuringly. "Plus, it's not like you'll have to tell her all this tomorrow. You might just end up having to wait and see."
"Yeah, I know," she said. "Telling her right now is out of the question. Unless I'm interested in making Angela think I'm crazy."
"I've filmed a few games and pit videos with her at this point," Shayne said. "I don't think she'd immediately jump to crazy."
Amanda groaned. "The part of us being lovers in a past life would make me seem like a weird creepy flirt."
"Well, I can assure you that you're not that," Shayne said. "You're her coworker and you're treating her like that. That's good."
"I just don't want to befriend her for a factor she has absolutely no idea exists," she murmured. "She may be Maya, but right now she's Angela. That's the life we're living in."
"Hey," he said, Amanda meeting Shayne's gaze. "The fact you're thinking about it like that already means you're being very considerate of her.”
"I guess so," Amanda said. "I just think that just because something happened in my past life, doesn't mean it has to transfer over to this one. It all should just happen naturally."
"I know you'll let it Amanda. You're good at separating your two lives.”