Chapter Text
For the first time in her life, Kara’s rut had ended almost as quickly as it had started. The fog that would usually linger in her brain for a few days after a week spent in bed, wasn’t there. She was entirely herself as she landed in her apartment, and the only voice she could hear in her mind was her own when she curled into a ball on her bed.
If anyone had told her that one day she would finally satisfy herself in all the way her mind craved to do it, and with the only person she wanted to do it, she would have thought that day to be the best of her life.
She had envisioned that moment to be perfect. She would have confessed her feelings, and Alex would have done the same. They would maybe have a picnic date, or a night out at a fancy restaurant, and finish the evening together in Kara’s bed where she would take the time to appreciate every second of it.
But most of all, she wouldn’t have been in rut. She wouldn’t have fucked Alex like an animal, smashed against a door, and came inside of her without so much as a warning.
Of all that had happened in the last few hours, she couldn’t decide what she felt the worst about. Risking their lives by throwing a jealous fit in the middle of a fight where she knew she would be losing her powers, or the way she didn’t even try to resist Alex’s offer, fully knowing that she could only resort to this so she could bring Supergirl back and get out of there alive.
She knew she should have taken the opportunity to stay and talk with Alex afterwards. She knew she should have at least offered to meet up later. But the still lingering taste of blood from the spots where Kara’s teeth broke Alex’s skin, had her quickly losing the precarious hold she had on herself and the few droplets of dignity she still had made it unbearable to think that anyone could see her finally lose it.
And yet, now safely nested under the fluffy covers of her bed, she still couldn’t bring herself to break. Scenes from the evening kept playing back in her head. It had felt so good, so right. Alex had clung to her like a lifeline, like she wanted it as much as her. Kara could still hear her name being moaned against her own skin as if it was the only word Alex had ever known.
Just fuck me already.
Why had she said it like this? As if Alex thought that Kara had simply been waiting for an occasion to do this? That wouldn’t be giving much credit to her, even if it was true. But the alternative implied that it was Alex that had wanted it, which was beginning to sound like less of an impossibility than it had before.
Trying to find her way into Alex's logic to understand once and for all why it had all happened in these circumstances, turned out to be enough for Kara to keep herself together. At least until she could find an answer.
When the first light of the morning crept its way through the window and notified Kara that she had been thinking about this for way too long to not have come up with a plan already, she hopped out of bed and got into the shower.
She absent-mindedly ran her fingers over the spot where she knew Alex now had a mark that, back on Krypton, would have made clear to everyone that Alex was hers. But the absence of it on her own neck kept bringing Kara back into the spiral of questions she knew she had to find the courage to ask. The mark wouldn’t go away for a very long time, and even if it could be explained as any other kind of injury when necessary, the meaning of it gnawed at Kara's conscience. Alex had, at least, the right to know.
And now that it was too late for a heartwarming love confession, it was all Kara could do but let her know the implications of what she had done.
As crime didn’t stop even on the weekends, Supergirl was called into the DEO before she could make up her mind about anything else.
It was already late in the evening when she entered the briefing room where Jon waited for the team.
“A mercenary usually related to Cadmus’s work has been spotted entering-” he explained before Win interrupted him.
“Good news! Looks like the mercenary was spotted as he was on his way to surrender himself to the police.” Winn showed the footage of the interrogation on his screen, “The NCPD has him in custody and will keep us updated as their investigation continues. Looks like our weekend just cleared up!” He said as Alex ran through the door, whispering her apologies for being late.
The briefing was wrapped up pretty quickly, and everybody was sent back home. Kara waited outside, hoping to catch Alex and ask her for a chance talk. But when the redhead finally passed through the door, she barely spared Kara a glance and walked away from her.
“Alex, please.” Kara caught up with her before she could get on her bike, “Can we talk-”
“I can’t, I have a date to get to.” Alex’s tone was a new kind of cold.
“A date?”
“Yes Kara, a date.” She sat on her bike, “You know, when two people who like each other talk about stuff and have a great time?” She put her helmet on.
Kara only watched as Alex backed up from her parking spot and slowly drove away. She didn’t pursue her, what would have been the point in trying to force it?
——-
Now she wants to talk! Alex drove past a red light without even thinking of slowing down. How was it that they could never be ready at the same time? For most of their lives, they had alway been so in sync with each other, but now they couldn’t even get on the same page for long enough to discuss the most important thing that had ever happened to them.
She finally stopped the engine in front of the dinner where Ashley was waiting for her. She walked in, resolved that they were gonna have a nice date and get to know each other, but mostly, that she would find a way to get Kara out of her mind for good.
They did have a great time, and Alex even managed to not think about Kara for a few minutes at least three times during their meal.
They opted to share a dessert before going home, the chocolate cake looked decadent on the menu and it would be the best wrap up of a date that Alex was determined to take slowly.
“Everybody shut up and get down on the floor now!” A man shouted from behind her back. “I’m gonna go around and everybody will put their phones and wallets into this bag so nobody gets hurt!”
Alex turned around just enough to see the man shouting and brandishing a gun. A second robber stood in front of the entrance.
As everyone around her lowered themselves to the ground and began emptying their pockets, Alex rolled her eyes at herself, of course she had forgotten her gun at work in her rush to avoid Kara. But as it turned out, it wouldn’t even have been necessary.
Before she could even think to press the button on her watch and call Kara for rescue, a big swoosh of air passed through the dinner, followed by Supergirl’s confident voice echoing around her.
“Sorry for the disturbance, you guys can get back to your meals,” She said to the crowd, scanning the room but never making eye contact with Alex. She flew away with the two men almost as quickly as she had appeared.
“Wow! I never thought I would get the chance to see Supergirl in action from this close.” Ashley was beaming with joy, “How cool was that?”
Alex didn't look up from her cake and answered between two bites, “Very cool.” She knew her date hadn’t done anything to deserve such a toneless answer, but her mind was already gone from the dinner, knocking at Kara’s door to give her a piece of itself.
Which is why, after coming up with a flimsy excuse as to why she needed to leave early, Alex drove to Kara’s apartment and did exactly that.
“Sorry I was in bed, what’s going on?” Kara said with the door only halfway open.
“Why were you listening in on me?” Alex walked inside without an invitation.
“What?”
“You arrived at the dinner in merely a second, I hadn’t even called you yet. You were listening to my date, weren’t you?”
Kara seemed taken aback, she probably hadn’t expected Alex to notice something like this.
“I was in bed, I-” Kara looked defeated, “I always listen to your heartbeat to fall asleep, you know that.”
Alex did know, but after all that had happened, Kara’s choice to still focus on her for comfort, seemed incredibly unfair.
“You don’t get to just use me like this-” Her sentence wasn’t even finished and Alex already regretted her choice of word.
Kara broke eye contact, instead focusing on something outside the window, “I’m sorry, and for what it’s worth, I never intended to-”
“No, Kara, you know that’s not what I meant, we’re not talking about that.”
“Well I am.” Kara rarely used such a stern tone with her. “And we have to talk about it.” She sat on the arm of her couch, “I’m sorry about what happened, you didn’t have to do that for me and I shouldn’t have touched you. It was wrong on so many levels.”
Wrong? Of everything Alex had expected her to say, wrong had been far down the list. She could have been upset to learn that Alex had wanted her like this, risking their friendship for sex. She also could have been hurt that Alex had acted on her impulse instead of talking to her about it. And she definitely should have had a problem with Alex using her rut as an excuse to do it. But the simplicity of her explanation cut a lot deeper than every other reason why Kara could have been mad, because it was inarguably true.
It was wrong.
“Right.” Alex wasn't sure where to go from there. “So, it was a mistake and it won't happen again?” She hadn’t meant for it to sound like a question.
“It won’t.”
Alex went back home that night, feeling emptier than she ever had. It had been a lot easier for her to pretend that everything would be okay when Kara’s disappointment was only hypothetical. The stupid hope that there was always a chance for them to actually end up together, still had some fumes to roll on. But now, everything had been said, and the voice at the back of her head had finally shut up.
——-
Thanksgiving arrived so unexpectedly that year, that Kara actually had to look at a physical calendar to make sure her foster mom wasn’t messing with her.
She and Alex hadn’t spoken more than ten words to each other in the few weeks since the night of the robbery, and now Eliza expected them to exchange a family meal with her and be thankful for everything that had happened this year. The only reassuring thing was that Kal and Lois were also going to be there and maybe their presence would take some pressure off of the girls’ shoulders to engage in regular conversation with Eliza.
Alex was running late at work, which Kara knew was a flimsy excuse to avoid having to drive up there with her, but who could blame her for it?
Eliza gave Lois and Kal a tour of the house while Kara waited outside, trying her best to prepare for the night ahead. The weather in Midvale was so much nicer this time of the year than it ever was in National city, and there was something almost magically soothing in the small waves of leaves blown away by the wind between the trees.
Alex eventually arrived, the black DEO issued SUV she had borrowed for the trip stood out against the yellow and orange background of the small town. She and Kara didn’t exchange more than a polite nod before getting inside to join the rest of the family.
Most of the dinner went rather smoothly. Eliza did seem to be holding back on the questioning of her daughter’s life to focus on their cousin’s and his wife’s in Metropolis. But when most of the turkey had been demolished by the two Kryptonians and it was time for the pies to start coming out, the conversation was slowly beginning to stir in the direction Kara had hoped had been avoided.
There seemed to be a silent agreement between her and Alex from as soon as they had crossed paths on their way to the table. Eliza absolutely didn’t need to know about any of what had happened and it would have raised suspicions if the sisters were anything but their old self around her. They had therefore managed to talk about anything and everything as if nothing had ever happened, but the joyful tone of their conversation had the unwanted effect of opening the field for Kal to ask questions he had no way of knowing would be off limits in their charade.
Unsurprisingly, it was Eliza who threw the first punch, finally asking if the girls had any new persons in their life. And after a negative answer from both of them, Kal seemed to think that it was appropriate to bring up the last thing Kara had expected from him.
“Didn’t you find someone to help with your rut?”
Eliza dropped her fork. “You presented?”
Kal looked about as small as the peas in his plate under Kara’s burning gaze.
“And you’re an Alpha? Why didn’t you tell me?” There was no stopping her foster mom now. “Who's helping you with it? How much did you tell them about your situation?”
Kal seemed determined to peddle back from what he now had to realize was the last thing she should have said. “I didn’t mean to bring this up, I just thought that, after Alex’s call, you-”
“Alex called you about it?” The shift of Eliza’s focus from Kara to Alex almost gave both of them whiplash. “Why? What happened?”
Unable to look away from her cousin who, in his cluelessness, had made what was supposed to be an ordinary dinner into her worst nightmare, Kara caught the exact moment where Lois choked on her glass of wine. She elbowed her spouse as he appeared to want to talk again and quietly shushed him with wide eyes going back and forth between him and Alex.
His confused look did nothing to appease Kara’s nerves as Alex babbled for a minute, doing an excellent job at saying absolutely nothing Eliza could pick up on as to what had happened between them, but it was increasingly obvious that someone else at the table had figured it out.
“At least tell me you’re being safe.” Eliza was back on Kara’s case. “The last thing we need is for you to get some girl pregnant.
It was Alex’s turn to choke on her drink, splashing wine across the table in quite an impressive radius. Kara stayed quiet, her mouth was open, but for all she knew, there wasn’t a single word in the English language that could help at that moment.
Kal quickly got up, offering to help clean up the mess but was convinced to sit back down by Lois as Eliza went to get paper towels. Alex excused herself to go get changed.
“Tell me I can’t get a girl pregnant.” Kara whispered-yelled at her cousin.
“I, I don’t-”
“Oh my god!” Kara covered her face with her hands while her adoptive mother came back into the room to clean the mess.
Lois chuckled, apparently extremely amused at the scene happening in front of her while both Kryptonians stayed silent. Eliza’s cell phone rang from the living room and she handed Kara the pile of towels and excused herself to go answer.
It was now Kal’s turn to whisper to his wife, “Why are you laughing?” Which only made her look at him with a face that showed her fondness for his obliviousness.
“I have to go and deal with something at work, I’ll try to get back as early as I can.” Eliza startled all of them. “Kara, we’ll talk about this tomorrow.” And with these astonishingly ominous words, she went around the table to politely hug her guests goodbye and left.
Once the coast was cleared, Kara put Kal on dish washing duty with a tone only an older cousin could manage, and sat quietly at the table.
“You could, technically, get someone pregnant, but not under a yellow sun.” Lois said.
“Well that’s good to know.” Alex walked back into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water.
“Who are you scared of getting pregnant?” Kal asked, still blissfully unaware of everything going down in front of him. Lois rolled her eyes at him.
“Nobody!” Kara answered quickly.
“Yes, Kal,” Alex added, walking past them and towards the front door, “Absolutely no-one.”
Once the dishes were put away and the kitchen had been cleaned up, Kal and Lois took their leaves. Lois apologized for the situation and hugged Kara, “Just give her some time.” She whispered into her ear.
On their way to the car, Kara could hear them from inside, talking about how oblivious Kal had to be to not notice the bite mark on Alex’s neck.
The sun was all the way down. Kara sat on the couch, unable to decide on what to do next. It would be a great idea to resolve at least some of the situation before Eliza came back. But again, there was nothing good that could come out of trying to force it.
After a moment, she noticed the noises of someone poking around in the fire pit in the backyard.
Here goes nothing.
She walked outside, appreciating the hello she got from Alex when she closed the door. The small fire at the bottom of the tub painted their surroundings into a small orange world.
“I’m sorry for taking advantage of you.” Alex said, her voice almost quieter than the crackling of the fire between them. “I know this isn’t something you can control and I shouldn’t have read this much into it.”
Kara, again, couldn’t find the right words. Why would Alex be the one apologizing?
“I don’t mind helping you with your ruts for the time being,” Alex continued as she poked into the tub, “But we are going to need to find you a partner soon.”
“What did you read into it?” Kara’s brain finally caught up with the conversation.
“Let’s just not go there, Kara. This is already embarrassing enough, I’m not going to spell it out for you.” Alex walked into the shed to retrieve some more wood and put it in the fire.
“What if we both read too much into it?”
Alex laughed, shaking her head.
Something about the bubble they were in gave Kara the courage to go for it. “I thought you only did it to get Supergirl back.”
That stopped Alex dead in her tracks under the shed’s door frame. “Is that really what you think of me?” She turned to look at Kara.
“What did you think?”
Alex let out a small laugh, “That anybody would have done.”
They looked at each other with sympathy. On Kara’s part, she felt incredibly stupid. Had all of this caused too much damage already for them to come back from it?
Alex threw more wood into the pit and walked back into the shed. Kara followed her.
The low light was reminiscent of the closet where they had last found themselves this intimately alone. But the air was lighter, with a tinge of cold that made it feel so much more pure.
Alex only looked at her, leaning against the table that usually held boxes of Halloween decorations.
Kara walked up to her, unsure if she would actually work up the courage to say anything else. She wanted to ask if they were gonna be okay. She needed to know if there was anything she could do to make it easier. But as she stopped only a few inches away from Alex, with the moonlight from the window touching her skin in just the right way for the shadows to underline the mark she had in her neck, Kara finally accepted the fact that she didn’t want things to go back to normal.
She tentatively leaned in for a kiss, leaving far more than enough room for Alex to deny her, until she felt the warmth of Alex’s lips against hers. They tasted of wine and pumpkin cookies, and Kara knew that there would never again be a day in her life where she wouldn’t want to taste this.
“So we were both wrong, right?” Kara asked after they separated. Half teasing, half needing reassurance that she wasn’t, again, reading too much into it.
Alex grabbed her by the collar of her sweater and brought her back for a kiss. She didn’t move her hand, anchoring Kara right where she would have stayed anyway, and the kiss deepened.
Before long, Alex sat up on the table behind herself and began to undo Kara’s pants while the kryptonian removed her own top.
She felt Alex’s fingers slowly trace the skin along the waistband of her underwear and broke the kiss, leaning her forehead against Alex’s. “I’m sorry I bit you.”
Alex smiled. She took one of Kara’s hands and brought it up to her mouth to kiss the tip of her fingers. “To be fair,” she said, “I was more than okay with you claiming me as yours.”
“You knew?”
Alex kissed her again, harder this time, and let Kara’s hand fall as she reached her own down to where Kara wanted her.
Alex’s hand was cold against her, but as soon as she felt her fingers caressing through the wet warmth between her legs, Kara quickly got Alex out of her own pants pants and mirrored her movements.
They touched each other slowly, never breaking their kiss as Alex’s legs were wrapped around Kara’s waist. There wasn't any need to rush, Kara could finally enjoy the sensation of having Alex all to herself and she would be damned if she didn’t take the time to appreciate every second of it.
When they came, it was barely louder than a whisper against each other's lips.
Kara nuzzled into the crook of Alex’s neck, refusing to move away from her just yet, and it was Alex who broke the silence.
“Yeah, we’re both idiots.” She laughed and nudged Kara back up for a kiss.