Chapter Text
He rushed into his house, closing the door with trembling hands. He inhaled and exhaled deeply as if he was short of breath. Once, twice, and as many times as it took until he calmed his racing heartbeat. He leaned back, winnowing his back carelessly, and brought his hands up to his head in an undisguised gesture of disbelief.
"I can't believe it," he muttered to himself. "I can't believe it."
Mile Phakphum, the boy he had been pining for years, his one-sided love, the one he had said goodbye to, prepared to never see him again. That same boy with the beaming smile and who had changed his life into its best version? He had moved in right across the street, practically only a minute away. He was going to be able to see him every day! From his window, when he went out to start the car, when he took out the garbage, when—
No.
Wait.
Didn't that sound a little like his stalker days? Apo had to do better than before, had to make real contact and not settle for hearing about him from a distance. Step number one? Totally got it! He couldn't remember the precise moment when he had crossed the street and stood in front of him, but he was sure he had spoken to him and that it had been no figment of his imagination.
Yes.
He was sure.
Very sure.
Unless he was getting sick and all the sensations that were running through him were a hallucination.
Hesitantly, he pinched his shoulder and winced after he had done it with all his might. "It's real," he uttered as he rubbed himself, and his mind began to work at double speed. Thought after thought came and went without being able to stop them, from what the fuck he had been thinking as he stepped out in his giant yellow bear pajamas, to how beautiful he had looked as he smiled brightly at him. For a second, Apo had been on the verge of melting. It had been the same smile he had engraved in every corner of his memory. Resplendent and unique, like no other he had ever seen.
He had to calm down and stop acting like a crazy person. He took another breath, and let it out slowly, encouraging himself that he could make it. It was working until the doorbell rang, shooing him away. Apo jumped and thanked the heavens that he was able to hold the scream in his throat.
He swallowed. It was Mile.
What was Mile doing there? What was he looking for? What did he want? Only minutes had passed since Apo had said bye to leave him with the moving truck. Had it been something he'd said? The conversation was a blurry sphere with choppy words that made no sense. Apo couldn't remember anything! It would be simpler to list what he could, which was limited to Mile smiling brightly, him making a fool of himself and once again Mile smiling right in front of him.
Yes, his smile had to be listed twice.
God. So fast and he was already a hopeless case?
You can do it, he told himself. Just open the door and say hello. Come on, it's not hard. You rotate the knob, pull a little and voilà. The man of your dreams breathing the same air as you, just two inches away from taking him in your arms and kissing him.
Apo ruffled his hair, inwardly screaming.
Kiss him?!
He meant... agh...
Damn it.
The doorbell rang again, and Apo threw his internal battle to the deepest recesses of his thoughts. It was the worst time to rave. "Mile," he said as he opened it. His name like candy inside his mouth. "Is there anything I can help you with?"
Mile declined, incredibly handsome in his sweatshirt and denim jeans. Had it really been two years? Apo felt just as attracted as he had since the last time he'd seen him. The blood was pumping through his veins so fast it felt like a race car highway. He was so nervous he didn't know what to say, and Mile was watching him so intently that his legs were turning to jelly. Would his eyes be wide with anticipation, or had he been able to camouflage them enough so he couldn't read them?
Suddenly, he felt the urge to pee.
He mentally slapped himself for his stupidity. Those damned nerves that were betraying him, they had better hold on for the ride.
Mile smiled at him, a small grimace that froze him. He bit his lips, telling himself to get a grip. "Actually," Mile commented and Apo's full attention automatically went to the sound of his voice. "You forgot this," he confessed ruefully as he held out the left pair of one of his sandals to him.
One of his sandals?!
Apo looked down, realizing that one of his feet was bare. He panicked, his eyes widening enormously. How had it happened?! At what point in the fifteen minutes he had been out?!
Oh my God. Earth, eat me whole.
"I thought you'd want it back," he laughed.
Kill me already.
***
"What are you doing?" Mile asked watching him from behind, approaching after he had entered his room. He held a plate of food in his hands.
Apo turned, smiling and proud of himself. "Framing the pictures."
The sun had shone on Apo, and after several attempts to go out at the same times Mile did, the two had become friends. Jeff had congratulated him on his great feat, even though he had first scoffed that he was behaving like a comic movie character, one of those old ones he loved to watch so much. Apo couldn't even be indignant because, to his chagrin, he had to accept that it was a pretty accurate comparison.
He had done everything to make a connection. The most bizarre and cliché things anyone could imagine; from going to his house to get him to give him a cup of rice, to asking him for help changing a light bulb because, coincidentally, he had bent his foot and couldn't get into a chair.
Of course, it had all exploded on him when, months later, Mile had revealed to him that he had noticed his clumsy attempts all along. It had been so funny that Mile had pretended to believe each and every one of his tricks. Apo was almost dying of embarrassment.
Their friendship had started like this, amidst absurd situations and the behavior of a boy who lacked any real reasoning. His heart, however, was excited and touched when Mile expressed that he had been extremely adorable and that he loved it when his little organ took the lead.
Over time, Apo had grown accustomed to photographing every moment they shared together, no matter how miniscule or insignificant. He loved seeing Mile through the lens, or putting his camera on some surface and posing next to him. Selfies were also part of his favorites. The good news was that he seemed to like it too, or at least had no qualms about following his instruction. Apo was happy.
Or he was as happy as he could be with unrequited love. Which reminded him of Jeff's nagging when he would call him on the phone to sigh at all the love he had that he couldn't express. His dear old friend was convinced that Apo was being an idiot for not taking the risk of confessing.
"Almost three years of drooling over your beloved Mile. How much longer are you going to act like you don't feel something much bigger for him? You love him, Apo. Who's to say he can't feel the same?" He mumbled to him the night before.
From his point of view, when he got down to analyzing the way Mile behaved with him, he couldn't discern anything out of the ordinary. You could say they had become best friends, and Apo definitely took that closeness very seriously. How else could he be around him?
Jeff, nevertheless, thought otherwise.
"All those pictures we've taken?" The question snapped him out of his absorption. He looked at the cork board where he was arranging them, and ran his gaze over each one, lingering on the details. They were all different, from many places.
Apo shook his head slightly. "That's quite a few. If I decided to hang all the ones we've taken, I'd need entire walls."
He glanced sideways at him, noticing that he had leaned back on his desk. "I like it," he spoke cheerfully, not taking his eyes off the new decor. "Without a doubt this will be my favorite spot in your entire room," he paused for a second as he adopted a thoughtful expression. "You know what? I take that back. This will be my favorite spot of everything in your house."
They connected their gazes and Apo felt like crying. This had been the most beautiful thing Mile had said to him since he had met him. His heart couldn't help but feel emotion at the thought that, perhaps, Apo had a special space inside Mile.
"Mine too," he exclaimed.
***
The stars glittered in the sky, twinkling as they majestically surrounded the moon. It was a landscape beyond description, and it was precisely what thrilled him every time he came to the countryside, away from the big city pollution that disturbed the creation of that extraordinary magic.
He inhaled, filling his lungs with the soft smell of nature. He could even sleep there, lying on the grass, looking up until his eyes closed from exhaustion. He was sorely tempted to do so, until Mile told him flatly not because he might catch a cold.
Mile.
He had been the one to invite him, totally out of the blue. One second, they were having breakfast together at one of the many restaurants Apo enjoyed going to, and where Mile was always willing to go with him. The next, they were on the road on their way to an unexpected destination to which he had immediately said yes.
When Apo had asked him the reason for their adventure, Mile had given him an enigmatic look that he didn't know how to read. Shrugging, he had asked no more questions.
For it to have been sudden, everything two people might need to stay a night camping had been easily obtained. What's more. Mile had told him to leave it to him, and for Apo not to worry. He wouldn't have to lift a finger, he just had to focus on sitting in the passenger seat, picking good music, and watching the scenery as they drove along the road.
"I'm starving," he complained as he walked over to what Mile was cooking. When he had told him on the drive that they would lack for nothing, Apo hadn't imagined that it encompassed all the cooking utensils.
Mile extended a spoon with some food towards him. "It's ready now, you can taste it." He did it, being fed by Mile. Not once, but on three occasions. One after another.
"At this rate you could be doing it until everything on my plate is gone," he joked. His phrase had been said to make him laugh, but Apo didn't hear the expected reaction. He took his eyes off the food and turned to him. "Is something wrong?" he questioned in dismay. Mile's face had become strangely serious.
"What if I told you I could be doing it for the rest of my life?"
Apo's heart leapt. Big and hard against his chest. "What did you say?"
He smiled, his features growing more and more endearing. His eyes shining just for him. "I'd like to be doing this for the rest of my life."
"I'm not—" Mile grabbed his face and ran one thumb over his lips. He played with it, and then kissed him. A warm and innocent kiss, the one Apo deepened.
Three years, he thought. Three years to feel him like this. Please let it not be a dream. Please let it not be.
They broke apart to catch their breath, and kissed again.
***
"Come on, jump."
Apo took several steps away, ready to take at his word. "The other time you said I'd gained weight," he grumbled. "If I jump, don't go dropping me."
Mile spread his arms out and crouched slightly, taking the perfect position to receive him. "I was just kidding. Come on, I'm waiting." He motioned for him to move forward.
He sighed, preparing to run towards him. A step back, and then another, and he advanced. Apo pounced, wrapping arms and legs around him, their torsos pressed against each other. Mile wrapped his arms around him too, not letting him fall.
"I would never let you leave my arms," he whispered.
Apo laughed, pressing himself tighter against him. "I wouldn't let go of you either."
♪ 'Cause when the stars collide
We connect the dots in each others eyes
Shining so bright till we find the light
Shine so bright till we glow
If you love somebody
If you love someone
Wait around for the perfect moment to come ♪
"Never."