Chapter Text
You're pregnant. Congrats.
It's not like it’s a surprise. You weren't exactly careful, even though you should have been. Joel, within two weeks of the supposed-to-have-been one night stand, bent you over half the flat surfaces in town. The one night in the barn turned into morning at the watchtower, then afternoon on the hike back, then evening by the lake, until he was sneaking out your backdoor every night, day after day, week after week.
You had far too much fun to consider repercussions. Joel, similarly, wasn’t thinking clearly either. At some point, he likely resigned himself that it was inevitable, but he was far too busy holding your hands behind your back and fucking you well and truly over his kitchen table. You simply enjoyed the feeling of being filled and having him seep back out of you after you leave for the night.
Whoops.
So, no, it’s not exactly a surprise when you miss your first period. Or your second. Or your third. When you turn green at smells you've always considered pleasant, turn up your nose at cheese and eggs, find your shirts are a little snug and every part of your body is sore and swollen… No, you’re not surprised.
You, uh, kind of, sort of, haven’t told him yet. (You’re working on it.) It’s just that, you’ve been avoiding him for, well, the past month. It’s going to be an awkward conversation no matter what, but you’ve only made it more awkward (entirely your own fault) by avoiding him like the plague.
You’ve had nightmares about the conversation. Hey, so, sorry I’ve been avoiding you for a month but you know how you fucked me seven ways to Sunday for two months straight? Surprise - you’re about to be a dad again at 52 years old.
See? Awkward.
Once you finally resigned yourself it’s not going to be much longer before you can’t deny you’re pregnant, you started looking for segues into The Conversation. Thankfully, you’ve finally found one.
Tonight is the first time in a month you've had overnight patrol with Joel. (Which was, of course, by your own design - you had your patrol schedule moved around once you confirmed you’re pregnant so you wouldn't have to see him. You know, like a coward.) Nevertheless, you can't avoid him tonight. You’re backup patrol for the person who was supposed to be on patrol, so you're not getting out of it.
That being said, tonight is as good a night as any. Plenty of opportunity. You’ll be stuck with each other for at least twelve hours, probably more. You can find the time.
When it’s time for you to head out to meet him, you pull on a sweatshirt to hide your growing belly. You’re not far along enough to be obviously pregnant, but he’s definitely going to be able to tell if he looks hard enough. You don’t want him to figure it out before you tell him. It will have to do.
Joel greets you at the gate with the soft grin he seems to use only for you. Oddly, he doesn't seem upset that you've been outright avoiding him for a month. That sets you even more on edge - he can’t be that cool . No one is that cool. (Especially not after the last couple of times you were together. The handprint bruises on your ass made you think he’d gotten quite attached to you. Or maybe just to your private parts - jury’s still out on that one.) He helps you up onto your horse, hands you a rifle, and it’s off through the front gates of Jackson you go.
That sweet smile makes it all the more uncomfortable you haven't told him yet. It's guilt eating at you, confusion gnawing your bones. Maybe a little bit of nerves thrown in for good measure. You don't understand how he could possibly smile at you after you'd shut him out for a month without explanation.
God, you’re really starting to feel like an ass.
"We should be at the watchtower by sundown," Joel says, though you're only half-listening. Your nerves have your ears buzzing uncomfortably. "There haven’t been many infected spotted on this route lately. Should be an easy night."
You clear your throat, trying to follow each syllable he makes in an attempt to clear your head and concentrate. (His fucking voice makes you ache.) "That's good to hear. I haven't been on an overnight patrol in a while."
"Afraid you've lost your touch?"
Joel likes to tease you. If your nerves weren't eating at your brain, you'd make a hundred jokes out of that, but they are, so you don't.
“No, just out of practice,” you reply lamely. If you could punch yourself in the face, you would. He’s gonna be suspicious if you don’t get your shit together.
“Ah.”
It’s gonna be a long night if you can’t make better conversation than this. Not that Joel is a great conversationalist himself (his tongue makes up for it in other ways), but you’re really floundering. And you’re still only half-listening to him, the buzzing in your ears just getting progressively louder.
You’re just going to have to tell him. It’s going to eat at you until you do. You need to rip the bandaid off, make it quick, just put it out there. Once you tell him, you can actually start planning to be a literal parent (holy shit).
“You listening to me, honey?”
Joel’s voice snaps you back to attention.
You chuckle awkwardly. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
“Which part?”
You literally haven’t heard a word he’s said for the past ten minutes. Teasing is all you’ve got right now. “The part where you called me honey.”
Joel chuckles, and it’s a soft, dark laugh that goes straight through you. “I’ll call you that all night if you’ll let me.”
Yep, right through you. You could light a match on your face with how hot it’s burning. Like, he’s being way too cool about getting the cold shoulder for a month.
You choke, but you try to cover it up with more teasing. (He absolutely heard you choke, he’s just too nice to make fun of you for it.) “Hmm, maybe I will.”
Joel keeps right on grinning. “Let’s get to the watchtower, hm?”
If you ride a little faster, Joel doesn’t mention it. You get the feeling he’s enjoying how nervous he’s clearly making you, which isn’t even close to enough payback for avoiding him for a month.
When you finally get to the watchtower, Joel busies himself boarding the horses for the night. Your job is always to clear the watchtower for anyone - or anything - undesirable on the premises.
As usual, the watchtower is clear. The watchtower has a few little rooms that have been converted into tiny sleeping areas, complete with stall-showers and working toilets. There’s enough room for the bare necessities (a bedroll on a rickety frame), but it’s better than some of the places you’ve slept during the course of your life. You choose your bedroom for the night, just off to the right of the exit for easy escape if need be.
You toss your backpack onto the bed, in desperate need of the facilities. A quick bathroom break and shower under surprisingly pleasant lukewarm water later, you’re ready to settle in for the night.
Joel always takes the first watch and knocks on your door when it’s time to switch. However, after about an hour, you find yourself wandering upstairs to the top of the watchtower, though it's not your turn to take watch. If you’re going to tell him, now’s probably the best time.
Joel is upstairs on the top floor, sitting next to the railing so he's got a decent vantage point. His rifle sits on the rickety table next to him, a small box of ammunition by its side.
He gives you that soft, sweet smile that you can barely catch underneath his beard. "Nice of you to join."
You sit next to him. "Thought you might be getting lonely up here."
Joel smirks. “Won’t say no to the company.”
You don’t respond, instead making yourself comfortable on the chair next to him. Comfortable, here, is a tenuous state of being, because you absolutely cannot keep still. You fidget when you’re nervous, playing with your hair and inspecting your fingernails - though there’s not much to inspect - and biting your cuticles.
Finally, after letting you damn near worry your cuticles right off your nails, Joel asks. "Alright, what's on your mind?"
That startles you. He asks like he knows something is up (it is - you’re terrible at hiding your feelings). Had you been paying attention instead of letting the buzzing-bee hum of nerves in your brain distract you, you might have figured that out.
"Nothing."
That obviously doesn't satisfy him. He waits in silence for you to fess up.
After a few moments, you sigh. Time to rip the bandaid off. "I'm pregnant."
"I know."
You pause. What? You haven't told anyone, and Doc wouldn't go running his mouth. How on earth could he know? And, of course, if you had been paying attention at all, you’d have figured out Joel already knows.
"You know?"
"I have not once pulled out, not a single time that I've fucked you,” Joel says calmly. You flush, because yeah. "Besides, you didn't eat your eggs when I made you breakfast last time."
Joel says this simply, plainly, as if it's all obvious that of course he knows. And, while the first part is a fair point, the second point catches you off guard.
"What?"
He shrugs. "Eggs are your favorite."
You hadn’t been able to eat eggs in weeks. Eggs had been bothering you long before you realized you were pregnant, and it took you a while to catch on as to why you didn’t want to eat your eggs.
You resign yourself. "I think you figured it out before I did."
"This ain't my first rodeo, darlin'."
"That is the most Texas thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth, and I've heard you sing Willie Nelson,” you laugh. Then, you sigh. Might as well ask. "Well, what do you want to do?"
"You tell me, honey,” Joel replies. "I'll stand behind whatever choice you make."
You make it simple for him. "I want to keep it, and I want to do this together."
Joel nods. "I do, too."
It’s not relief flooding you, exactly, more like reassurance you’re not doing this alone. You didn’t expect him to agree, honestly. You know Joel better than to think he’d want nothing to do with you or your shared child, but that hasn't stopped you from being anxious about his answer. Besides, you’d heard plenty of horror stories, even in Jackson, of men who just up and left. It’s not exactly out of the ordinary.
“We can figure out the details when we get back to Jackson,” Joel says softly.
“Agreed,” you nod. You stand and stretch. "I think it's time for bed."
Joel eyes the length of you, the corners of his eyes soft in a way you'd never seen before. “Well, goodnight.”
It’s your turn to smirk at him. "You coming?"
Joel raises his eyebrows. "Maybe in a few minutes. Gotta lock up the place first."
That gives you a few minutes to throw on an old t-shirt you brought to change into and get comfortable. You don’t know what will happen the rest of the night, but you do hope he makes good on his promise to call you honey all night long.
The last three months had been relatively easy, minus a few food allergies. And the incorrigible horniness. Which, unfortunately, had amplified over the past month because you’d been too busy avoiding Joel to fuck him. So, really, that’s on you.
After a while, you hear Joel come downstairs from his post. He doesn’t knock on your door. Rather, he heads to his room for a shower. You can hear Joel shower while you get comfortable, and it’s torture. You need him to fuck you, want him like you've never wanted another human being. You'd gotten used to his presence - the past few weeks of avoiding him have left you downright needy.
Well, if you don't ask, the answer is always no. You wait until you hear the shower turn off before climbing out of bed, intent on walking across the hall and knocking on his door. And, as soon as you open the door, you find Joel.
Joel stands outside your door, hand raised and poised to knock. He lets his hand drop, wordless, startled.
So, you do what you always do - you open your mouth and ask.
"You gonna fuck me or not?"
You don't have to ask twice. Joel wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close, slamming his lips down on yours. Your hands find the sides of his face, pulling him in closer. Yeah, you need it like this - not sweet kisses and slow lovemaking. You need him to ruin you.
He walks you backward towards the bed and turns you so that he sits on the edge of the mattress with you between his legs. His arms around your waist are nice and heavy, keeping you close to him. You don't wait for him to undress you - you pull the t-shirt over your head and toss it to the floor, leaving you naked in his arms.
You're not as self-conscious as you thought you'd be. Every part of you is sore and swollen in some capacity, but it helps that Joel is staring you down with damn near reverence. There’s darkness creeping in on the softness creasing the corners of his eyes, sweetness that’s slowly becoming need.
"Beautiful," he says quietly, kissing your chest, right near your collarbone. "Fuckin' stunning."
You whimper as he licks a line down to your breasts. The tip of his warm tongue teases your flushed skin, goosebumps pilling up wherever he licks you. His beard prickles your skin, and you flush harder knowing you're going to have a beard rash come morning.
Joel hums when he catches your nipple between his teeth. You shiver at the vibration, and he holds you closer to him, flicking his tongue over the tight nub of your nipple.
"Should have told me sooner," Joel says, punctuating his words with those soft licks that are starting to drive you crazy. Fuck, his tongue is awesome. "Could have been filling you up in my bed every night."
You thread your hands through his hair, tugging so he'll look up and kiss you. His fingers dig into your waist, and you know there will be little fingertip bruises there in the morning for you to poke and prod to your satisfaction. Your teeth catch his lip, leaving the same bite mark you've come to find yourself leaving on more than one occasion, just to remind him how much you love when he fucks you.
"I should remind you who did this to you," he says, running a hand over the slight swell of your belly. He takes your other breast in his hand, slipping his tongue over the tight bud of your nipple. "How many times I fucked you… You look so good like this."
You're wet to the point of dripping. You knew this was kind of a thing for you (what a way to find out), but you didn't know this was a thing for him. Excellent.
Joel pulls you down into his lap. His cock presses against your naked cunt through the fabric of his sleep shorts. "I should make you beg for me."
You don't think you can physically last if he makes you beg. You grind down on him, hoping to get him to speed up. "Please, don't make me beg, Joel, I need you."
"You need what, honey?" He slides his fingers through your soaked folds. You clench down on nothing, and he smirks because he can feel you shiver. "You need my cock? Sure feels like you do."
"Shit, Joel-"
He rubs your clit with the pad of his fingers in slow circles. "Keep saying my name like that and I might give you my cock."
You whimper, grinding down against his hand. “You’re really gonna take your sweet time with this, aren’t you?”
“I should, since you took your sweet time telling me about this,” Joel says, running the tip of his finger along your stomach. He keeps rubbing your clit with his occupied hand, sliding a single digit into your cunt. You shudder, fluttering around him. “I should keep you begging until the sun comes up, until we get back to Jackson.”
You’ll spontaneously combust before you ever make it back to Jackson. Joel’s not going to make you wait - you both know that - but it’s cute he thinks you’d make it that long without jumping him in the middle of the woods. It’s not like you haven’t done it before.
“But a month is long enough.”
You flush, knowing it’s your own fault you’ve had to wait so long for this in the first place. “Sorry.”
Joel is gentle with you - he always has been. He cups your cheek, playfulness temporarily set aside, and kisses you. “I get it.”
Your chest clenches like your heart’s being squeezed, but you shove the feeling down for now. As much as you don’t want him to stop, you grab his wrist to stop him from fingering you until you come. He raises an eyebrow when you lower yourself down onto your knees between his thighs, his hands catching your hair.
“You don’t have to-”
You nudge him until he lifts up enough to slide his sleep shorts down and off. “When has that ever stopped me?”
You lick a wide stripe up the underside of his cock, pleased by the sharp hiss whistling out from between his teeth. You love that pretty red flush that creeps down his neck and chest just from watching you. You swallow the tip of him, stroking what you can’t fit in your mouth in your hand. He doesn’t try to take over, doesn’t try to push your head down until you gag, just lets you set your own pace and enjoys the drag of your lips over his shaft. His grip on your hair is tight, flush with your scalp, and you want him to pull.
You’d do this all night if you could. You love watching him try not to unravel, trying to keep the soft groans down, bottom lip stuck between his teeth. You catch his thighs tensing, cords of muscle shifting. His stomach is tight, chest heaving from the effort he’s making to not fuck your mouth.
It’s when he starts to twitch in your hand that Joel deems it’s enough. He hauls you up back into his lap and flips you over onto your back. You wrap your legs around his waist as he crawls over you, grinding up against him. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you, all teeth and tongue, stealing every moan coming out of your mouth.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” you groan against his mouth. “Missed you so much.”
Joel wraps a hand around your thigh, his other hand braced next to your head. “I missed you, too.”
Joel lets go of your thigh after a gentle squeeze. Much like yourself, he can’t wait any longer. He takes himself in hand and runs the head of his cock along your slit until he stops at your entrance. With a groan, he pushes into you, inch by inch, until he’s bottomed out against you. You whimper at the stretch, and he kisses the sound from your mouth.
“Come on, Joel, move,” you beg, “fuck me.”
Never one to make you beg for long, Joel obliges. He thrusts in hard, sharp and quick, and you could cry from the way your body sings under his touch. You need this, need him, so, so much.
“How’s that, honey?” Joel says, words muffled against your skin. He sucks a bruise into your collarbone, soothing the mark with his tongue. He thrusts hard, sharp, squeezing your thigh and moving down to suck another bruise into your breast. “This what you need?”
You can’t answer, reduced to a short nod of your head and a low moan when he hits that spot. You keen, and he lets go of your thigh in favor of playing with your clit.
“I’m gonna keep you on your back just like this, stuffed full of my cock,” Joel groans, dragging his tongue across your nipple. “Remind you every day who got you like this.”
You are perfectly happy with that. You hook your ankles together, thighs squeezing his waist. Your nails dig into his back, scratching him up with every thrust. It’ll be a miracle if you make it back to Jackson at all in the morning.
“So close,” you whimper, scratching at his scalp. “ Joel -”
“Come for me, honey, and I’ll fill you up like you want.”
You pull him down for a kiss, needing him closer. The slide of his lips against yours, his thumb circling and toying with your clit, fingers pinching your nipples, the drag of his cock through your slick cunt - it’s perfect. You bite his lip when you come, leaving a pretty red mark behind to claim him as yours. He fucks you through it and fills you up, finally quieting your begging.
Joel wastes no time pulling you into his lap once he’s done, your back to his chest, and dragging the covers up over you. He’s not quite done with you, content to dip his fingers into your cunt to keep you filled up. His other hand finds your breasts, fingers circling your nipples softly. You relax back against him, happy to let him finger you and kiss your neck until you come again with a soft moan.
“How was that, darlin’?” he asks in your ear, dragging his lips along your neck. “Just what you need?”
“Mhm,” you sigh, maneuvering to give him better access. “Might need you to do it again.”
He chuckles. “Whenever you want.”
You take his hand and place it on your stomach. “Better get used to it. You’re kinda stuck with me now.”
“I’m happy with that.”
You absolutely do not make it back to Jackson by shift change the next morning.