Chapter Text
Chapter 11:
Settling In
-Amari-
Hush little baby don’t say a word,
Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.
I like the one that sings to me. Sweet voice. She calls herself Mommy.
What is a mommy? I wonder.
Well, whatever a mommy is I like her. I decide. She begins another song, humming quietly. I don’t like it when she does that, so I let out a squeak. She smiles, bouncing me softly, and begins my song again. I yawn, I wish she would sing forever. She says she loves me, and I am curious what that means. What is love? I feel all warm inside when she says it, so it must be something nice. I find myself wishing I could say it back to her. When I try it comes out garbled noises but it makes her laugh.And if that mockingbird don’t sing.
Daddy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.
I like the one that spoils me. He brings me new things all the time. My favorite is this small soft fuzzy thing that sings Mommy’s song. He seems to leave a lot but he always comes back. I wonder where he goes when he’s not here. He always smells funny when he comes back from where he’s been. Mommy always sends him away when he first appears. He’s not gone nearly as long though, and when he comes back he smells much better. And he holds me tight and tells me all about things I don’t understand. What is a ostitle? What are urses? I don’t know. I just want him to keep talking. His voice is comfortable and I fit best in his arms. He’s my favorite, but don’t tell Mommy. I think that would make her sad. Mommy says he’s Daddy. I don’t know what a daddy is either, but I like him.And if that diamond ring turns brass.
Rose is gonna buy you a looking glass.
I like the one who makes excuses to hold me. I like the long pretty golden thing that falls around me when she places messy kisses all over my face. When Mommy goes away, she is always here. She treats me like Mommy does. Rocks me and carries me everywhere. She says I’m pretty, that I’m special and tells me how I’m such a good girl. She makes me smile alot. But sometimes I feel she is hiding something. She tells me she is Rosalie, my big sister. What’s a ig iser? There is sadness when she says this. I don’t know why. I don’t like it that she’s sad. I try to talk more when I am with her, but its just noises really. She seems to like that, and it makes her smile. I like it when she smiles.And if that looking glass should break,
Bella’s gonna buy you a gold keepsake.
I like the one that reads to me. It is a quiet voice, and kind. I don’t know what she’s saying but its ok. I will someday. I like the brightly colored pictures that I see when she reads. I can’t really make them out yet but one day I will. She doesn’t talk that often outside of reading to me, but that’s ok. I love her silence. She is always calm, and her presence is soothing. She says she’s a mommy too, but not mine. She says she’s my sister Bella. Be and Osie are the same thing?And if that gold keepsake don’t shine.
Jazz’s gonna buy you a christmas pine.
I like the one who makes the bad go away. Sometimes I wake up and I’m all alone. I don’t like that, so I cry. Mommy is always the first to find me, but sometimes I’m so upset even her singing doesn’t make it better. Then he comes. His voice is soft, like the one who reads, but different. I like how it sounds. He paces my room, rocking me gently. I feel a warm wave of security wash over me and suddenly I can’t remember why I am so upset. He calls me Lady Bug. I don’t know what that is, but I don’t care. I like the way it feels when he says it. He says he’s my big brother, Jasper. What is a bober?And if that Christmas pine, don’t glow,
Emmett’s gonna buy you a bear skin throw.
I like the one who makes the world shake when he laughs. He is loud, but I don’t mind. Mommy doesn’t let him hold me a lot and that makes me sad. I love the feeling of his laugh. No matter where I am I can feel it when he does. I hope he never leaves. Mommy says he’s my big brother, Emmett! How are E’et and Azber the same thing?And if that bear skin throw should fray,
Nessie’s gonna buy you a flower of May.
I like the one who shows me pictures. She never speaks, but shows me everything she wants to say. Sometimes when Daddy and Mommy aren’t here she will show me Mommy singing. I like it when she does that. She says she is both my niece and sister and that her name is Renesmee. She confides in me she prefers Nessie. But I don’t like it, it doesn’t feel right. When I’m able I’ll call her ‘En*. I overheard Mommy say her hair was the color of one. But what is a eece? How can she be two things? I ponder. She says the one that reads to me is her Mommy. That makes me happy, but I don’t know why.And if that flower of May don’t bloom,
Edward’s gonna buy you a pony in blue.
I like the one who plays music, Mommy likes him too. I think besides me, he is her favorite. He will play whenever she asks him to. He calls me little sister, and always seems to know what I want without me having to fuss too much. He says his name is Edward. Sometimes him and Mommy sing to me while he plays on the big black thing in front of us. One day I’ll sing with them too, I will like that.And if that pony in blue falls down,
Alice’s gonna buy you the prettiest gown.
I like the one that knows what I want before I do. She always knows what’s wrong. She must know everything. She is always bringing me new...clothes? She calls them clothes that must be what they are. I like the clothes she brings me. They are soft and warm. She doesn’t have the long soft thing about her face, like the others that call themselves sisters, and Mommy, but I like it that way. I can make out her face a little better. She says that she’s my sister too! She says her name is Alice. I wonder why she’s different.And if that pretty gown gets torn,
Jacob’s gonna buy you a ribbon unworn.
I am unsure of the one that never holds me. The one that never looks right at me. He is warm like 'En and I like that. He smells different than everyone else but not unpleasant. I like the way he smells. ‘En says his name is Jacob. Why doesn’t he like me? I like him. Did I do something wrong?And if that unworn ribbon gets curled,
You’ll still be sweetest baby in world.
I wonder who I am. Is that what sister and Lady Bug are? Is that who I am? Is that what I am called? I yawn. Mommy has stopped singing again. I try to squeak but I’m just so tired. I wiggle around trying to get comfortable. Who am I? I wonder to myself as my thoughts get fuzzy. I am lifted and laid gently on a soft furry blanket. It smells like the one who laughs.
“Good night, Amari.” Mommy whispers. “Sweet dreams.”
Amari...is that me? I hope it is. I like the way it sounds. I like...no, I love everything about where I am. I hope it stays this way forever and ever. But where did the others go? The ones that were there when I came out of the darkness. I try to remember, but all I see is blurry. Wait...where did who go? Mommy? No she’s still here, everyone is still here...who is missing? No one. Everyone is here. Mommy,Daddy,Osie,Be, Azber, E’et, En, Edber,Ize,and Cub. That’s all there is. Right? I yawn again, as Mommy moves something and soft white light pours over me. Now all is ok and I can go to sleep. What was it Mommy said? Eet deams? I yawn knowing I got it right. Eet deams, Mommy...
* ‘En = Ren. Amari overhears Esme saying that Renesmee’s hair reminds her of a Wren.
