Chapter Text
The journey was pleasantly silent through the forest, until Kakashi suddenly paused.
“Wait,” he ordered, his voice lower and more cautious than any of them had ever heard before. “This is the place.”
The place.
Neither of them needed to ask exactly what had happened here. It was apparent in the matted grass and the shorn off tree limbs and the silence of their surroundings. There were no birds chirping, no animals rustling the underbrush, no wind blowing through the trees. This was the place Sakura had died. No. Had been murdered. Killed. Slaughtered. Attacked unfairly and had her life taken much too soon. A strange feeling prodded at Sasuke’s chest, trying to force entry into his thoughts and make him acknowledge the devastating sadness at the loss of his teammate. But he refused. This was why he tried to cut off all bonds. They made him weak. They hurt others. But most of all, they hurt him. And Sasuke was secretly a coward. He hated pain. So he ignored it. He did not allow himself to feel anything besides a frigid indifference. A frigid indifference that was slowly loosening. He could feel a pressure smashing through his feeble, yet carefully crafted walls.
They all dropped to the forest floor and crept into a small clearing. The air was heavier and the shadows seemed to lengthen in the span of a few seconds.
Then like a truck, he was hit with the entirety of his life. It was a surreal moment. For weeks, it had been on Sasuke’s mind, but it only became real to him at this moment. Once again, he was confronted with the idea of missing someone who was supposed to be by his side. Once again, he cursed himself and added onto his many regrets. The death of someone closest to him was always his fault. He never made the right choices. He should have gotten stronger and protected his family. He should have fought Itachi off. He should have been there for Sakura and Team 7. If only he had done something different. Maybe if he tried… Maybe if he… If only he had… If only, if only, if only. All of his decisions up until this point were what made him, him. And he didn’t want to be him anymore. He wanted a different hand in life. He wanted something else. He wanted a different life. To be born as something different. Or better yet, not born at all.
His mind entertained the idea for less than a second before rejecting it. He was alive. He was Sasuke. And nothing short of suicide would get him off the road he was traveling. Pride and the last frayed ropes of friendship kept him tethered to this world. From a certain perspective, he could almost see how having a friend could be considered a strength. Almost.
And so he decided to try one more time. He would reignite failed friendships and lost ties. But this time, he would keep the ones he loved close. He wouldn’t let go. Anyone who tried to hurt his friends would indiscriminately die. No exceptions.
He swore all of this in front of Sakura’s grave. He swore to himself and to Sakura’s memory that no one else would die if he could help it. His eyes burned with the declaration, sharingan automatically activating. Tears stung his eyes but he quickly brushed them aside. Naruto had bowed his head and was murmuring silently under his breath. Kakashi simply stared with a sad tilt pulling at the edges of his eye, melancholy and familiar with the pain of loss. Sasuke felt the familiar roar of possessive camaraderie for them. This was how he was supposed to live. Fierce. Acknowledging his emotions. Not necessarily acting on them, but using them, showing them once in a while, letting them take him over. And let them take him over he did. They all stood there, bearing the brunt of a raw pain, similar holes burned in their hearts, trying to feel grief without letting it consume them. Blessing Sakura as she moved on, cursing the perpetrators, trying not to be overwhelmed by the constant, throbbing ache.
There, deep in the woods, amidst the heart of the village’s namesake, Team 7 minus Sakura swore to whatever ghost she may have left behind that they would avenge her (to the ends of the Earth). They swore they would survive together under her protection (no matter what). They heaped promises and oaths and swore to the moon and back that her sacrifice (if it could even be called that) wasn’t in vain, that they could make something of the pain. And then, Team Kakashi let go.
Sasuke knew they were screwed as soon as he saw the corpse. There was no doubt about it. The body was cold and not moving. There was no pulse. No movement in the chest. No color in the body’s cheeks and nothing to indicate this thing was ever anything but dead.
“Dead,” Kakashi confirmed, removing his fingers from Kabuto’s neck. “I suppose this will count as a completed mission. After all, he just needed to be killed. I don’t think we needed to be the ones who killed him.”
And now the question was, who did it? Some angry relation Kabuto had offended with his kidnappings and inhumane experiments? One of Orochimaru’s jealous subordinates? Someone searching for a bounty? Regardless, he was dead.
There was no relief or vindictive pleasure. There wasn’t pride or anything of the sort. He instead felt a cold indifference and a touch of revulsion. He looked no better in death than he had in life. Kakashi sealed the body away into a scroll and they set fire to the hideout. It was only when they watched the entire structure implode in a whirlwind of embers and splinters that they left.
The mission felt like a failure. It was too short and did nothing to run off the extra energy they were feeling. The rush of adrenaline he had felt as he was approaching had culminated in an overall disappointment. It was just how things were lately. Every time Sasuke felt he caught the peak of his life, he looked around and found himself wanting more. It was all empty. He had climbed the mountain for an intangible gain. Something that wouldn’t even matter in the end. Long ago Kakashi had told him revenge would lead to nothing. What he didn’t mention is that everything eventually led to nothing. He felt… horrible. Depressed. Life, especially his, seemed to have lost its meaning. If he killed Itachi, so what? He had nothing left. It wouldn’t bring his family back. Team 7 was down a member. The world was going to burn anyway. What was the point of doing anything? Everything he did ended up in smoke. Just like Orochimaru’s hideout. He couldn’t understand Orochimaru’s desire to live forever. Sasuke didn’t even want to live. His body and soul had been sucked out of him. He was only alive to protect the last vestiges of his home.
He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t realize they had stopped until he crashed into Kakashi’s back. Embarrassedly, he put an arm out to steady himself.
“Are you okay?” Kakashi murmured under his breath. “You seem a little… dazed.”
Sasuke shook his head. “I’m fine. Leave me alone.”
“You’ve been acting really weird,” Naruto jumped in. “Like, weirder than usual.”
“Be quiet, deadlast,” Sasuke spat. “You wouldn’t know normal if it hit you in the face.”
“Calm down,” Kakashi sighed. “Lower your voice.”
Sasuke rolled his eyes.
Naruto pouted. “It’s not my fault!” He whined. He pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke. “He’s the one who’s super shady. He’s a completely different person than the one that left!”
Kakashi rubbed at his temples and sighed again. “Fine.” They hopped off the branches they were standing on and crunched into the floor. “Let’s restart shall we? Since this is technically the beginning of Team Kakashi, we’ll introduce ourselves again. You know the drill. I’ll start.” He tugged at his mask and scanned the treetops, trying to think of something to say. Then, very quickly, like he was trying to get it over with, he said, “My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like dogs and Icha Icha. I dislike people who can’t keep their promises, and I hope to be a passable teacher.”
Naruto leapt up. “I’ll go! My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I love ramen, Ichiraku, and you guys! And Iruka-sensei! And all my friends! And Gaara! Oh wait, he’s one of my friends. Anyway! I hate--” Here, he faltered. He shot a sideways, contemplative glance at Sasuke for a hot second. “I hate injustice I guess… My dream for the future is to become Hokage and get everyone to acknowledge me as a person worthy of leading them!”
Sasuke was pleasantly surprised to see that Naruto had grown. At his core, he was exactly the same. But the small details showed exactly how much life and experience had changed him. Then his brain switched tracks and began working overtime for something to say. Everything he was feeling was either too embarrassing or too complicated for him to quantify with words, so maybe he can water it down. Or he could simplify it. Or say something else. Or wing it.
“I’m Uchiha Sasuke. I like-- no, tolerate certain people. I dislike almost everything else. And my dream is to become strong enough to allow myself to be weak.”
Shoot. He winged it. And the wings failed him. Like Icarus plummeting from the sky, he could see Kakashi losing brain cells just listening to that sentence. Wow. Even that metaphor was better than whatever had come out of his mouth.
“My turn.” Sasuke whirled around to confront the voice. All he saw was pink. “My name is…”
He already knew her name. They all did.
“Haruno Sakura.”